follow the moon in Songs

My past few weeks have been so sloppy. Not even all my fault. I had to take my car in twice and dropped about $700 all told. This was after I ended up doing a few donations to radio and a food pantry. The food pantry however billed me three times. Woof.
My shelf plans are on hold until I can buy a router.
Thora has matted poop butt.
My brain-mouth connection is frayed. I’m addicted to caffeine, and it doesn’t make me higher functioning, it mostly makes my thoughts buzz around wild in my head in a way less coherent way than how uh, how thoughts are already generally just buzzing around in a brain.
I’m depressed. Maybe it’s that my current job is not my forte. Or maybe it’s Damned March, the month that I always happen to be depressed and a little bit delusional in.
I got hired for the stage crew job that I had wanted!… and Missed the email with the offer and let is just sit in my inbox for an entire week before I contacted HR to YELL AT THEM and they in fact GOT TO YELL AT ME, but it’s working out. It’s slow as molasses and the fact that I’ve lived at about 6 addresses in the past 7 years probably won’t speed my background check along.
I also got hired at the sub agency, I haven’t taken any days yet because I was confused by the ID badge that I hadn’t received, but I received it, and will probably pick up a day or two this coming week.
What else? I broke a laptop at work. I broke the vacuum at home. again. But this time I couldn’t seem to fix it. I’ve had VERY weird mucus for weeks now. It looks infected and bloody every morning but I’m not experiencing much symptom besides dryness. I’ve been having tachycardia at weird moments like when I’m laying down trying to sleep.

I guess there is another side of things:
Even though it’s infrequent, when I’ve been getting my ass off the couch, my exercising has been more intense. It feels good, the intensity. It seems I’ve got something around my diaphragm that needs burning and it feels good to make it burn.
My skincare regiment that follows the moon cycles seems fine. Ritual can be therapeutic.
I’ve only been doing it a few days now, but when I wake up and have breakfast on a day that I don’t need to leave the house immediately for work, I open up all the windows regardless of a cold day. It’s really been helping the apartment feel and smell better. Been burning a lot of incense too.

On a subject that I feel TOO HERE and THERE about:
I started an Instagram food diary because Tony asked me to. I take a picture of EVERYTHING I eat… and it’s public. It’s bringing up a lot of feelings and thoughts. I hope I’m not pushing myself wrongly by continuing it. I always understand what’s really going on too late it seems. I’ve been writing a decent amount on paper about my feelings and thoughts about the whole thing… it feels complicated. It’s not an IG that necessarily celebrates food, it’s banal and repetitive, but it’s nice for me to look at my food lol. I also might be a little shy because I’m obviously in over my head. I’m not a foodie nor do I work with food professionally, so my interest in food and the politics of eating feels like a confused affront to everyone’s beautiful plates, vegan gluten-free diets, and adventurous food IGs. Also, it’s just poorly lit shots of everything I’m eating… so far I haven’t gone anywhere besides that. It’s very simple, idk why I should be feeling so many feelings about it. I have a lot of friends bringing it up to me, a lot of friends sending me photos of their food. So I guess it’s interesting to other people too? So far no one has taken up my challenge that they should be starting their own IGs. Eating is such an intimate experience, so I don’t really blame anyone for not wanting to put it out there.
Who knows maybe one day there will be some coherence or significance.