I have felt the urge to post on here for days, but I haven't had two minutes. And for once in a long while, that's the honest truth rather than a result of my own procrastination! And it feels good.
In the past weeks since my last post, I have done the following:
Applied for and received a grant for $2,000 towards my next year doing service in Bolivia. WOO! This feels like a HUGE fucking relief. I still need to raise another $9,000--11,000 more, but this is the biggest dent I've made all at once and it feels great. It also feels really good that I made personal contact with this small non-profit, (called The Lauren Project,) and that the money they are giving me is in honor of their daughter, who was born the same year as me, but died of carbon monoxide poisoning in 2009. They started this grant giving organization in her name, because she devoted her young life to human rights, social justice, and the service of others through international volunteering and other honorable work. I'm honored and humbled by this gift and so happy that I get to live out my dream and also continue Lauren's dream in her memory. Pretty cool.
I have written another 30 or so fundraising letters to friends and family, and gotten a fair number of donations in the mail. The generosity of other people is so heartwarming. But it feels especially amazing and humbling that old friends and family members care about me in this way, and want to help me follow my dreams. So far, I've received $1,184.58 in private donations, both from friends and family back home, and a friends in Japan. I'm not throwing these numbers around publicly, but this is my journal. I want to celebrate and announce it, but I don't know how to do so appropriately. I will work on figuring that out. I think I should probably send out an update email to donors to let them now how their contributions have made a difference. We'll see.
I have organized a fundraising Concert to be held in March. I have booked the venue and the musicians, created a facebook event page, and almost completed a meetup event page as well, both with Japanese translations. It feels good to have it all set! I think it's going to be well attended. But weather it is or not, it's going to be lots of fun!
I have started teaching an adult English Conversation class once a week, on Fridays, after my Japanese class. It was set up with the help of a friend, also as a fundraiser for Bolivia. It's a pretty low return in terms of the money it raises, but I feel really good about making the effort and doing everything I can to work towards this dream, even in small ways. I was really nervous about it at first--sure, I've taught lots of English, but never to adults before, and never conversation classes. Always kids, and always much more structure. This class is mostly pretty advanced, and their main purposes are just to practice and improve. At first, I thought, "how do you lesson plan for that!? I don't want to waste their time!" So, I put in a lot of time researching and planning, and I have had 2 successful classes! I have had positive feedback from the students, so I feel encouraged. It is a lot of extra work, but I'm learning some good things.
Other than Bolivia stuff, I had two gigs with Junji last weekend, which were lots of fun! ...But I drank WAY too much at the book publishing party we played at on Sunday afternoon, as it was an opened bar event. I honestly did not think I had that much, and really didn't feel drunk, but I sort of lost track as people kept refilling my cup, and I got sick at the train station a few hours afterwards. :( At least it wasn't ON the train. Very lucky. I was really surprised and a little embarrassed, but felt fine immediately afterwards. I was with Junji, and he was a prince. He didn't seem even remotely annoyed or upset, he didn't say one negative thing or tease me at all, he just asked if I was okay and said, "go back home?" I protested a bit and said I was fine and we could go out as planned, but he insisted. He was worried about me, I think. He took me all the way home (though I would have been okay on my own), and then hung out with me for like 5 hours, because it was only 7 or 8 when we got to my house, and as I said, I was feeling fine.
I really love hanging out with Jun. We listen to music or play music and talk about all kinds of things, laugh a lot and just generally enjoy being alive. He's so down to earth. So laid back, so low maintenance. And I feel completely confident in our friendship. I get insecure sometimes, but it's really clear to me that it's all in my head. Sometimes I tell him how I'm feeling afraid or uncertain about what I am to him, and he is genuinely puzzled. He doesn't understand how I could question what we have, or question his care for me. It's pretty validating. He's not a romantic, he's not over the top with the compliments or flowery language. ...Well, there is a language barrier, but I think it's not about that. It's just who he is. He is a man of few words, even among his Japanese friends, and he shows his care and love for the people in his life through the way he interacts with them every day. He's not going to list to me the reasons why he cares for me, or why he values me, but he'll do anything for me, no question. And he does say things to me that are meaningful, loving, and supportive, it's just simpler. He's so easy. The contrast is so sharp from other men who have recently been in my life. Even since I've been in Japan! He helps me check my ego when I'm craving verbal validation, and helps me stay in touch with some very basic parts of myself that I allow to be swallowed up at times. I want to write about this more later. But not right now. God damn I'm going to miss him.
So, I've been a busy, busy bee. And lots more to do! Tomorrow, I need to plan my conversation class for Friday, and keep working on helping my family plan their trip to Japan. I forgot to mention I spent like 3 hours on that today. Just figuring out transportation costs and options! But it should be easier once they've decided roughly where they want to go. Narrowing it down.
House of Cards coming out with season 2 last week or whenever it was is really bad timing. UGH I am such an addict. But I've been good. Clearly, I'm getting things done, so it's ok.
There's always so much more to do! But doing feels good.
I'm going to stop this now. This is getting crazy long, though I feel like this entry is mostly surface level stuff. It would do me good to do some writing on the below the surface stuff that's picking away at me, I think. I needed to scrape this layer off the top first though. Next time.
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