List Compulsions in by degrees

  • Feb. 22, 2014, 1:54 a.m.
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  • Public

I don't think I'm the only one who does this. Sometimes I feel like there's so much to do, but I don't really have the ability or desire to do anything about it, except to make lists. The act of list making is in itself satisfying, though it really isn't accomplishing anything productive. I get this incredible urge sometimes to make a list of everything I need to get done, FOREVER, so that I can see it all in one place. I really do mean forever. Like from now until I die. Is that weird?

I want to make a list now.

Bolivia:

  • finish writing and sending fundraising letters for all known addresses (about 20 more)

  • track down addresses and write/send those fundraising letters, too (about 40)

  • finish sending invitations for March 9th benefit concert

  • practice music with the band for March 9th

  • continue the hunt for grant money and other avenues for funding

  • send thank you cards to donors

Things I should be doing on a regular basis:

  • practicing guitar

  • meditating

  • reading

  • writing

  • writing personal letters

  • exercising

  • cooking

Things I feel good about in my life right now:

  • my house/living situation

  • Junji

  • the music; especially this community

  • my job/coworkers/students/ALL of it

  • riding my bike as my primary means of transportation

  • all the free time I have (despite how I may waste it)

  • so much delicious food!

  • Things to look forward to on the horizon, including Bolivia

  • the relationships I have with people here; the friends I have made

  • this COMMUNITY!

  • the friend I have back home who are still connected and supportive of(and coming to visit!) me.

Things I am a little worried about:

  • my family's trip to Japan

  • living in my parent's house for two months when I leave here

  • the huge hole I'm going to feel in my heart when I leave this community, leave Jun, leave the regularity of music and performance and musical encouragement I have here

  • money; (always, right? and needlessly.) mostly in reference to Bolivia, thought that's improving. A little bit in reference to a year and a half from now, when I come home again, but probably have no savings whatsoever.

Things I'm looking forward to:

  • the 5 or so gigs that I have with Jun from now until I leave, especially the benefit show on March 9th and the show with Rory on March 30th. FUN!

  • All the fun nights I have left here, which are too many to count. I love weekend nights out with Jun and my other friends here. I have had so many good times, and so many nights that I feel like can't be topped, and then they are. I'm so fucking lucky to be here.

  • more tender moments with Jun, though bitter-sweet

  • Katie and Ariel coming to visit!

  • Hanging out with my dad soon

  • getting to share the awesomeness of Japan with my brother, who freaking loves this country

  • going to Korea for a few days in April--especially for these three things: 1. Friends! 2. Food! 3. SPALAND.

  • hanging out in P-TOWN! and seeing all the people I love and miss back there. It really does help to have such a rad city to go home to when I feel sad about leaving.

  • seeing Katie's new house and doing a million hang outs with her before July

  • Karaoke, restaurants, parks, the river, the zines, the IPRC, going everywhere great in portland!

  • BOLIVIA! (duh.) I still can't quite believe it.

OMG my kitchen is cold. I ran out of kerosene for my heater in my kitchen. Usually I portion in out really well and don't run out. But yesterday morning, it ran out and I was like FUCK. Good thing the truck comes tonight. I'm freezing my arse off. I'm going to take a hot shower and then get the hell out of here, maybe have lunch at a cafe.


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