Alone in My Love

As I lay here this morning in my bed, thoughts of you flow through my head. Thoughts of a life without you in it. Thoughts of a life without the one person I trusted more than anything. I feel like I lost my best friend trying to make someone happy. I feel like I lost the love of my life trying to please someone who has abused me time and again. I don’t want to lose you, but I guess it is the fate that I am doomed to receive.
I wanted to be the person you trusted. Wanted to be the person you shared your dreams with. I wanted to be person you couldn’t wait to talk to each morning. You see, you are those things to me. And so much more. But I ruined that.
I wish yesterday didn’t happen. I wish I would have just not said a word. Without your voice and your laugh in my life, there is no joy. Like I said, this doesn’t change my feelings for you. I once wrote that I can promise you only one thing, I will love you until I die. That is a lie. I will be in heaven loving you.
I am not trying to be manipulative, I am just trying to tell you how I feel. I am trying to make you know my feelings are real. That you do mean the world to me, just like I say. To let you know you call, I come running.
As I close this, I can only be thankful you stuck around as long as you did. I will continue to pray for you and listen to my music. I will continue to spoil baby as much as I am allowed to. And I will go to my grave caring for you.