March 4th in Posso's Prompts

“In Confessions of a Winning Poker Player, Jack King said, ‘Few players recall big pots they have won, strange as it seems, but every player can remember with remarkable accuracy the outstanding tough beats of his career.’” - Mike McDermott, Rounders

I got word today that a fellow companion that I played poker with and knew of for the last 15 years overdosed on heroin and after twenty minutes they finally brought him back but there was no brain activity - he was on life support just to keep his organs alive.
Mike and I never had the best relationship. The common bonds we shared were friends, love of poker and fucking up royally and getting more second chances than either of us ever deserved. I wouldn’t necessarily call us acquaintances but we definitely had numerous fallings out over gambling debts, moral wrongdoings and abusing friendships over power struggles. He wasn’t a great guy in that regard but he definitely had his fair share of people that cared for him, looked out for him, took sympathy for him and cared immensely even through the pitfalls and lows of his life.
Just recently, I had been seeing more of him socially from the poker tournaments that I run and played with him in. He had been in rehab and recovery; drinking had led to pills and pills had led to heroin. Other than being a little puffy, he had looked the best he had in years. We talked about how I hadn’t been drinking for a few weeks and how he was getting over being 60 days clean and how stressful of an action it was to participate in some habits and cut clean others. The guy was a brilliant pianist and I was always jealous of how easy it was for him to just sit behind some keys, listen to a song over a stereo and figure out how to play the whole goddamned piece within ten minutes. The last thing we ever got to talk about was how he’d love to sit down and work with me on learning piano again. He looked like he was truly happy. I had overheard him apologizing to many of the poker community for his wrongdoings and how he was working on battling his addictions and wanted to become a better man.
I know the embattled feeling all too well. The feelings of guilt and shame for mistakes you knowingly made that you feel you can only be relieved by helping others and distracting your own feelings by taking care of others. The man took care of people that he didn’t have to; led fundraisers for homeless, helpless and dying. You can only ask and plead for help until you’re successful in extinguishing your flame and unfortunately, Mike did this, although we’d all love to think that that was not his intention. His war shouldn’t have been over this early and it’s a shame that all of the battles caught up to him.
As always, it shouldn’t take an unfortunate circumstance for you to have to check on your other friends or family to make sure they’re okay, but if you’ve read this today, do that. Talk to someone you haven’t had contact with in a while. Apologize to someone over something that’s impacting your relationship. Don’t let time be the reason that you weren’t able to forgive before you forget the person altogether.
I’m sorry this happened to you, Mike. May you find what you were looking so hard to enlighten yourself with wherever you may be now, though.