Clearly I Remember in Book One: The Not So Daily Briefs 2014

My recent absence has stemmed from the obvious nature of how busy things have become. Hopefully, things will quiet down soon but- that in itself is problematic. If things quiet down too much it will mean my job hunt has been far more of a bust than I would have ever expected.... though such things seem to be happening to the very best of people, so who am I to believe I will not be affected by the lack of jobs?

As to things in general; a great deal of my "Big Projects" are coming to an end. Two of my large research projects are due at the end of February, I have already begun to study for my final, and I have a great deal of study material coming my way for the Iowa Bar Exam. Even the application to the bar is going better than before. I should have the entire 2 page checklist complete by the end of February; leaving a month to spare for the association to contact me with any unexpected inconsistencies. I just have to get through this week on the skin of my teeth and everything should work out.

Y'see- that is always the great sacrifice. The large items (Bar Exam, Long Term Projects, etc) take a great deal of time and focus- which I have dedicated. But such time and focus requirements must pull from a finite resource of time and focus; therefore, a great many of my small day-to-day assignments have been neglected. Of course, I will attempt to complete those assignments when I have the available time... this week- meaning when I am not in class, in a meeting, waiting for my fingerprint analysis, waiting for court to finish, etcetera. Because of course- working on a 30+ page file for the government requires an inordinate amount of "hurry up and wait."

Lastly, issues with my wife should be addressed. We did not have a raucous Valentine's Day... but that is our way from way back. Valentine's Day is my parents' anniversary AND the date of a particularly bloody massacre... that is all. If romance is truly to be meaningful, it should be included (from small ways to big ways) every day of the year. However, I did take the opportunity to speak quite frankly with my wife. I informed her, quite truthfully, that I had been reading up and researching innumerous ways to help our relationship. A practice that I have engaged in for over a year already. I told her that, seriously, a number of sources suggest this is the time when separation should be considered. She balked and suggested that counseling was more appropriate. To this, I informed her that... last year... when I mentioned counseling... when I had developed a list of marriage counselors who could work with our unique time restrictions.... THAT was the time for counseling. As we skipped that, the next step would be separation... if we were in the step taking arena. We both know that with everything else going on around here- nothing of the kind is going to occur. But ultimately, I wanted her to know that... I need to know if she wants to be in this relationship. I need to know if it would matter to her if I just left. Of course, until money, time, and stress become less... influential stumbling blocks for us... I can't just pick up and leave forever. But this summer I may do something similar. My Bar Examination takes place in my parents' home town about 2 hours away from where we are now. I may just take a month and move back in with my parents to study for the exam. Give my wife that "moment of clarity" wherein she realizes that... despite how little physical contact matters to her, it is still an important and desperately lacking aspect of our relationship.

One other change in regards to that whole messy situation. Normally, I wouldn't bring up or talk much about exactly how long it's been. She knows it has been a long time, and she says she hurts about it. But... feeling bad about something and concretely identifying it are two different things. So... I let her know in no uncertain terms that... if we don't engage in some form of romantic physical contact prior to the bar exam... then I will have taken every legal exam available "between times." It is a reference I have made before in writing- but it is never something I specifically expressed to her. I hope she realizes that such a reference concept isn't a "goal" but a sign of "something deeply troubling." We shall see if anything happens from any of it.