Name: Joe Whoa!
Introduction Platform: Bumble. He looked cute and close. A tad on the young-ish side for me, but handsome and interesting looking. Said he lived downtown, so bonus.
Age: 43
Relationship Status: Divorced for a few years, one kid - a daughter, I think. Said he’s suing his ex-wife for custody. Hmmm.
Job: Computer…programmer? Working for some company in the suburbs and sounds like he’s meh about it. Has a startup side-hustle that he sounds very confident about. Told me that he was retired for 14 years (Silicon Valley startup sold for…who knows? Multi-millions? I did ask if it was “multi-millions” and he shook his head yes, so…) and had to get back into the workforce because he spent all the $$$
Lives: In the high rise across the street from me on one of the top floors with a stunning view. I know this from being in his building, not from seeing his place firsthand. Oh, he also posts photos of the view on his Instagram.
Length of Date: 2ish hours
We Did: We’d agreed to meet at this corner bar and potentially walk to the speakeasy in the hotel a few blocks away. As luck would have it - and I thought this might happen - we saw each other from across the street as we both walked out of our respective buildings. Walked over to first bar and it was sucky and there was no room for us to sit/chat, so we walked further to the hotel and down into the basement speakeasy. We sat in a cozy corner and told stories. His stories blew me away. I was floored.
He Looked: Okay, you guys. My very first impression upon seeing him walk out of his building and onto the street was that he was absolutely flamboyantly gay. Nearly trotted over to me. He was dressed nicely in a sports jacket and nice jeans…and he topped off the look with a felt bowler! Interesting look. Very quirky. Not sure what I thought of it.
I Looked: Slightly destructed jeans which are now too tight and show off my ass, animal skin tall, tall boots, tan sweater with fur trim. Wore my hair stick straight (OH! Got a haircut over the weekend and I LOVE it - keeping the very blunt cut going)
Convo: Bizarre. He told me story after story, each one more unbelievable than the last. Some funny, some not. He’s a VERY odd duck. Seems super smart and is a computer hacker by profession, so he may be reading this. Told me the stories of how he’s lived in many different locations all over the world…some while he was retired, some while he was working. He just chose places that seemed interesting to him and moved there. The last story he told was about getting kidnapped in the Bahamas and somehow getting himself and another guy out of there by somehow contacting his mother to get a private jet to get him out!! I mean..Whoa!!
High Point: Super nice guy. Very interesting stories…I was highly entertained.
Low Point: No love connection. No chemistry. His stories freaked me out a little. He has also erased most traces of himself on social media, which makes me skeptical.
How It Ended: We walked home. He walked me to my door and we hugged it out. Said we’d see each other around and maybe go for a dog walk.
Chances Are: Not feeling it. Maybe a walk? He’s my neighbor after all.
Date Rating: Solid C.
UPDATE: Just got this text from Joe Whoa!
“Have to admit, you were definitely not what I expected. Glad I was wrong. Enjoy your day!
To which I replied, “Well, I’d love to say I’m flattered, but WHAT were you expecting?!”
Haven’t gotten an answer yet.
I mean, seriously you guys? Like, I’m seriously trying to figure this out. Do my Bumble pictures make people think I’m someone completely different than who I am? I was hoping that they’d portray me in a way that shows my personality and who I am. I have headshots of me with straight hair and wavy hair and a messy bun (because I like to wear my hair differently, so I want to show myself in various styles), I have full body photos, I have photos of me and my dog, I have a photo of me having a great time at a trade show, photos of me in Scotland with amazing scenery in the background. I thought they were well rounded and told a good story. What could this guy have possibly be expecting? And clearly he was expecting the WORST??!! WTF.
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