No more.. in Thoughts.

Sometimes I am not sure if I have ridiculous expectations of my friends… but regardless I am considering backing WAY the fuck off of one of my friendships.

I have considered S one of my best friends for over 2.5 years. He has been there for me in a lot of ways, listening, holding me when I cry, etc… I guess it helps that we’d been sleeping together off and on, but mostly on, for the past three years until a few weeks ago.

I know he cares about me… as much as any narcissistic, apathetic person with little to no emotion can care about a person.. But its not enough.. It’s not enough to listen to me go on and on, and consider that showing me he cares.

Its not enough to say “I’m sorry. I wish there was something I could do.” when there IS something you could do, if you just offered.

Its not enough that he NEVER asks me to hang out. NEVER offers me anything that I have not asked for three or more times.. NEVER puts in effort. NEVER ACTS like the friendship is worth any effort whatsoever.

And I know this is partially unfair.. because he does give me what I ask for sometimes. He does listen to me a lot. He does put up with all of my emotions, even if we end up fighting....

But I am not satisfied. And he says that as one of his best friends, I should just know that this is who he is. He doesn’t need the same things, so he doesn’t think about me needing them… But at what point is that bullshit excuse just done?

You put in effort when you want to.

SHIT a few weeks ago, he was trying to get ahold of this girl he was going on a date with… texted, called, snapchat messaged, IG messaged, FB messaged, called from moms phone, etc....
and you literally cant ONCE ask me to hang out… cant ONCE say “is there anything I can do to help?” and actually DO IT.....

You put in effort when you want to.. our friendship just isn’t worth it to you and I’m done carrying friendships and being the only one to nurture them. I’m done forcing myself on someone I considered a best friend.

Either you care enough to try, or its done…

I’m so tired of fighting.