Defeated in Chaos

My mother wants my kids to live with her.

I admit that I am not the greatest mother. I can’t buy them everything they want. I struggle with my mental health everyday. Our apartment is tiny and cramped. It gets messy. I’m not a clean freak like her.

I smoke. I smoke inside.

But I’m not a drug addict.
I don’t abuse my kids.
I don’t let them starve.
We do not live in filth.

I love my kids more then anything. I do everything I can to give them what they need and what they want.

But maybe she’s right. Maybe what my kids need is to be away from me. Maybe I am a bad mother.

At this moment I feel hopeless and defeated.