Today is my favorite “holiday”, Valentine’s Day. A day of love and loved ones. But in the reality of my life, I can’t be with the one I love.
I can’t spend time with you my dear. I can not even get close to you. I think of so many things I want to do to show you how much you mean to me. Every time I go to the store, I see so many things I want to give you. But I end up walking out empty handed with my heart breaking because I can not buy you anything, nor can I talk to you or spend time with you. This is painful to me. I have only known one thing more painful that not being with you and that is burying my best friend. I feel that pain every day, and it will not go away until I go to heaven and see him again. My dad would have loved you too. On Friday, I went and talked to him. It brought back a memory when I told him I was in love with a girl. He laughed at me, and now I know why. I have never been this in love with anyone in my life. I have been awakened dreaming of holding your hand, or of hugging you. And even though I wake up saddened because I am not doing those things, those dreams are some of what I hold dearest in my life. I listen to one playlist of songs constantly. Songs about you and only you my love. Just over 14 hours of music, about you. One day I hope I can share this with you. So I hope you feel truly loved today. Because I know in my heart, you are truly loved and will always be loved by me.
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