they're for you in 2019

4:23pm

Well, I have a fun story!

I just received this beautiful bouquet of flowers at work!! An early Valentine’s day present! From a mysterious stranger! =D

The card has my full name on it, delivered here to the office, and the inside reads: Happy Valentine’s Day

No signature or any other words. Of course it’s typed too so no handwriting details. What a downright mystery!

Now, I have a couple of suspects. Definitely leaning towards it being my mom and/or aunt. Like I’m pretty sure my mom called my aunt and told her to send them to me at work, but neither of them will admit it.

It’s a lot more fun to pretend it was some handsome stranger but I know better than that. I’m a realist. And the realistic side of me says that there’s not a single man I am currently associated with that would randomly send me flowers. Also it has my full name, spelled correctly, and there’s just no one I can think of that would do that. The client works in the same city the flowers came from but he’s cheap so he wouldn’t spend that money and he also calls me Rose. He would be my only other potential suspect.

The part that super threw me off was how it all went down. I was standing at the front desk having just greeted a client and was going over making an appointment for her. As that was happening I saw two people walk in with the bouquet of flowers. It was my new neighbour [not the nice friendly ones, but tf’s SIL] and her daughter. My first thoughts were that they were trying to sell something to raise money for the school/sports/whatever. Like, “here’s my display of flowers, would you like to order some for tomorrow?”
Clearly my mind is quite creative because I heard my mom say something and the neighbour replied, “they’re for you!” My mom got up and repeated it all shocked/excited and I wondered who had sent her flowers. Her client’s love her so there are lots to choose from [and I already sent her flowers that arrived yesterday but now look cheap in comparison haha].

Then all of a sudden I hear, “these aren’t for me! These are for Rose!” And she walked over to put them on my desk as I turned to look at her with my own shocked expression. That’s definitely more of a mystery! The neighbour said she saw the name and assumed it was my mom. Obviously she doesn’t know my full name. hah. So mom ended up signing for them since I was busy and gave the girl a tip. I guess it turns out that they were helping the flower company to earn some kind of points for a school thing. I couldn’t get all the details since I was still trying to make the appointment and my computer was being a pain.

Not gonna lie though: when I saw who was delivering and she was talking about helping someone I immediately had tf’s name flash in my mind. As if he’d randomly send me flowers after everything and got his sil to help. I know damn well that none of them know about me. Or “knew” since it’s all in the past now. And I’m still pretty sure he’s dating someone. He was not that kind of man anyway. He would never send me flowers like that! But that stupid connection with her made the thoughts spring into my head and it’s hard to let go of.

I’ve been lonely lately. This happens to me every year. [and is currently combined with hormonal fluctuations] The long hours and exhaustion from work start to add up and overwhelm me. I seek comfort and affection, and desperately want a man to snuggle into at the end of the night. I need that human touch across my skin to make me feel like it’ll be ok.
It’s why I got so hooked on that man in the first place. I’d been so starved for affection/attention my entire life and he was the first man to ever show me any of that. He showed me what I’d been missing for so long and that’s why I didn’t want to give him up! I was afraid I would never find that again with anyone else. I’m still afraid of that.

But it is what it is, and mostly I’m fine. It really only happens during this time of year because I’m so mentally exhausted and tired of taking care of myself. The weird connection with the neighbour just brought up these unintentional thoughts and that’s ok. Some other stuff had come up last night that I had a good cry about so it just added together. It’ll really all be fine though.

There’s more I want to write on all that but I’ll probably vent privately when I have more time. I am strongly considering some counseling sessions after the season is over. I am very clearly not doing so well on my own.

Right. Back to fun happy thoughts!

I posted a pic of the flowers on snap earlier and I just saw a reply from JR saying it was probably the BBQer. haha! I told him he must know something I don’t because I highly doubt that. [update: his response, “what more do u want..he cooks for you” haha I had to point out he cooks for the neighbours I just go over and steal their leftovers!] Although that would be kinda cool. I’m not sure how I feel about him. He’s been tough to get to know. He’s so not my type. I don’t know if we’d have much of a conversation if it were just the two of us. But I certainly wouldn’t be opposed to getting flowers from him [or any kind man] on my favorite holiday!

Ah well. It’s nice even if it was just my mother. haha!

I better wrap this up and get ready for bed. I’m going to wear a fancy dress tomorrow and celebrate Valentine’s day with happy thoughts, smiles, pretty colors, and hearts galore.

rose.
9:28pm