Feb. 3 - Nyctophilia in Posso's Prompts

Nyctophilia (n:) An attraction to darkness or night; finding relaxation or comfort in the darkness.

Ever since pulling all nighters in high school to stay up and watch actual music videos on MTV while mom and dad were out gambling the night away $20 at a time at the little dinky northern Wisconsin casinos, I have been an avid contributor of living in the darkness and operating at 4am regularly. There are days where I wish I didn’t have to function in the sunlight, I feel like I get so much more done at night. There isn’t a real rational explanation for why I’m such a night creature; I clearly love staying out til bartime, eating my weight in pizza at 3am and playing video games or watching the same movies over and over again until 8 or 9am regularly.

There’s an appeal to being able to do everything I do in the shadows of the darkness of night. Hiding in a casino at 4am, pushing buttons and losing money seems so much more enjoyable and calming at night, when there’s no one awake to judge your idiotic actions. Heather was easier to hide from judgement by friends and family when she was only free to hang out at 3am before we would both sleep the day away. Secrets and keeping your life mysterious, hidden, entertaining for others, has always been so much easier when you’re the only one doing things at night sometimes. There’s also some odd form of trust instilled when I finally can open up enough to you to let you come with me to a full night adventure.

To me, the difference between day and night is monotony; I feel like everyone can do the same thing waking up at 6am, working 8 to 5, going home to their families and going to bed after the late show on TV. I have somewhat always craved a normal life but I can’t help but think that if I ever got my sleep schedule right and became a fully functioning daywalker that that would also make me just as boring as the next guy on the bus. If anything has been more than clear after starting daily writing this year, I’ve noticed that I just don’t always need to be different for everyone else. Sure, I love the stories I get after a night of drinking, or driving the countryside in the rain at 3am, walking home in blizzards, sitting on the Tenney Park locks on a moonlit night pretending that I don’t know anything about the constellations so I can let someone entertain me for once - I just feel that people don’t appreciate the life at night as much as I do. The allure of doing so much while everyone else dreams has always just made me feel oddly safe. It’s like I know I can sleep through their work day and by the time I’m up and ready to be a productive member of society, friends are coming back from their jobs and ready to play and relieve stress, and when they go to bed, it’s my turn to play. Then again, maybe I’m ready to have a boring life if it means I can finally get my life together enough to let someone else in.