5: Seeing out a crap year in My own struggles

  • Jan. 31, 2019, 3:30 p.m.
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  • Public

From August to the remainder of 2016 i would describe as being an even more confusing and stressful time for me in a different way from how i experienced the start of the year.

Getting rid of Sarra started as a relief. And the day after i got back from Newcastle/splitting with Sarra, i got a notification through from L&C that my mortgage was granted. This was a huge hurdle cleared as i could concentrate on completing the house purchase. Next step was to get the house survey done and i asked my mum’s partner if he could do on my behalf. When i got the report back, he hand wrote nearly 9x A4 pages of basically what was wrong with the house. I fed back to the estate agent to see if there was anything they could persuade the vendors to rectify before i moved in. That came to nothing and also the price didn’t nudge too. It left me no choice but to pull out of buying that house. While it was disappointing and frustrating not to be in my own place, i dodged a bullet by not living in a shit house.

In parallel, i was back on the dating sites again. Mostly using Tinder and POF. First date was OK if not memorable. Next date was with a girl called Becky and we ended up seeing each other a couple of times. I wouldn’t class this as a relationship but just purely dating. We had one major thing in common being Motorsport. But besides that, there was barely any substance being it. On our second date, my emotions were really confused when i decided to say to her that i lover her. She hooked onto that when we initially seeing each other and a couple of days later, i really regretted saying that. I only saw her for a week and then it was a couple of weeks until i saw her again due to holidays and my Goodwood Revival commitments. The day after i came back up from Goodwood, i saw her once more and i knew she wasn’t for me. I didn’t get excited seeing her in a romantic way. My decision was made when i was showing her photos i took from the Goodwood Revival. She didn’t seem bothered. The way i told her that i wasn’t interested in her was i’m afraid cowardly. Basically i broke the news via whatsapp saying i think we should be friends than just boyfriend & girlfriend. The timing wasn’t great as it was a day before her birthday. But i couldn’t really delay the news any longer. Even when i was dating Becky, i was still using the dating sites

I mentioned Goodwood in the previous paragraph. For everything that had gone before in 2016, i had the best time at Goodwood even to this day. Seeing classic cars, racing, drinking beer, spending loads of money and incorporating a spa weekend into it meant i switched completely.

September time and back to the dating, post Becky. I was mostly using POF and started talking to a girl called Katy. This actually overlap when i was dating Becky but at a time when i knew i didn’t want to develop a relationship with her. There wasn’t to be a date with Katy, but then started talking to a girl called Jenna. She was actually really cool to talk to at first and we were talking to each other for a couple of months until Christmas. I was still looking around despite the contact with Jenna.

With Tinder, i used on and off as it got annoying using it from time to time and also demoralizing. When i got back on by the end of September, i found a mutual connection. Her name was Alexandra. From talking to each other, there was some chemistry aided by the fact that we both had motorsport interests. This sparked from the fact i told her i was working at Jaguar Land Rover at the time - around that point, i was working evening shifts in the laboratory which wasn’t my normal working hours. There was a lot of quiet time in the office being on my own using Tinder etc. A date did happen and one of the things i learned from this unsuccessful date was that i was too keen. She wasn’t into me at all and i didn’t really get that until i started talking to more girls.

Before my date with Alexandra, i had viewed a house in Tamworth. I lost count how many houses i viewed throughout 2016 let alone from August to October. This was the best house i’d seen and wasted no time in putting an offer in. 2 days later on Monday, the vendors had rejected the offer so i raised my offer by another £1k. Next day, it got accepted! And this time, there was no holding back. I would end up moving by mid-December but it would feel like a long wait until then.

I posted my joy through Facebook and Jenna noticed. She texted me congratulations and after a short exchange saying thanks, she followed up by asking me out. I accepted even if she was more keen on me and i was on her. But she was actually really nice to talk to. Again, i was still using Tinder and POF while dating girls. I would meet Jenna in Warwick for lunch and coffee before i showed her around the town. She enjoyed our date and got more out of it than i did. We would keep in contact post date.

Next up, Charlotte through Tinder. Usual same process and chatting to each other and then asking her out. However, things got a bit odd when on the day of the date, she got anxiety about meeting me. I didn’t think she wanted to meet me but didn’t have the courage to say. We were meant to meet in a pub for a drink but bizarrely she invited me round her flat. It was so strange and both of us felt awkward. In the end, nothing came out of it as she stopped texting me. Just added the misery really.

Still in October at this point, started talking to a girl called Katy through Tinder. She started talking to me first and there were loads of exchanges very quickly. By the end of the first day, we agreed to meet up the following weekend for a meal out. The date itself was great, we had good fun and felt it would lead to a 2nd date onward. This didn’t happen initially as i realized we didn’t have much in common. And that’s where i started to think about Jenna more. So i got back in contact with her. She did like the things i liked - mainly cars and Marvel movies. So there was natural chemistry to go with the conversation.

On the run up to bonfire night (Saturday), i was still talking to both Jenna and Katy but my feelings started to grow more towards Jenna and away from Katy. And it was on bonfire night when i texting them both that ended going towards Jenna at that time. I asked Jenna if she wanted to meet up for a 2nd time and she said yes. But also Katy got massive panic anxiety and blocked me from contacting her. Katy texted me saying she couldn’t cope anymore and i actually felt sorry for her. I left her a voicemail stating that if she needed anyone to talk to, she could talk to me. But it didn’t stop me from wanting to see Jenna.

Bit of spontaneity the day after bonfire night, i texted Jenna what she was up to and we agreed to meet up that day in Banbury for coffee and a look around the shops. I remember this date being more relaxed from what i experienced. The end of the date actually led to a kiss and seemed like we were heading for a relationship. A 3rd date followed the week after where we went out for an evening meal followed by staying round her house that night. That would be the last time i would see her. She got freaked out when i tried to force a 4th date with her and decided not to text me back. I learned more about myself being in contact with women just from that outcome alone. I was yet again too keen and was showing it too much. It caused me more despair, misery and actually heartache coming to reflect on it. It was weird to have someone who seemed into me a lot to cutting ties with me altogether.

Away from the dating scene, i was pushing the solicitors to get a firm date fixed for moving into my house in Tamworth. I was concentrated only that and decided to put dating to a side until i moved in. When Jenna stopped texting me around mid-November it would take another 3-4 weeks until i would receive the keys to my house. It was a big relief when i did but i didn’t ease off the gas. I got keys on Friday but started very quickly by moving stuff into the house closely followed by decorating the main bedroom before my new bed arrived. My first night wouldn’t be until the following Wednesday.

I wouldn’t have long to see out the rest of 2016.

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