January 29th in Posso's Prompts

What songs do you use to motivate you through a rough time, or just a day in general?

It’s been a struggle to write this week and I can’t seem to find a reason why. I haven’t been motivated or astounded enough by anything to feel captivated enough to put it down into words. Yeah, okay, it’s been all about the polar vortex and how cold we’re going to be and all that but I’m really not too concerned or impressed by the weather as someone who’s skated full hockey games outside in negative degree days.

I’ve been trying to use the conventional way for me to get motivated - put on a song or a playlist and just get lost for a couple minutes in the beats and lyrics. I went on a typical youtube journey in where I watch about 90 seconds of Hayley Williams singing before I just start clicking on random Simple Plan, Yellowcard, Taking Back Sunday, Sum 41 videos and scoffing about the past. I go another way and start listening to all the music I’d hear working at the piano bar, hoping that Billy Joel, Queen, any Disney singalong would bring any kind of itch for a story or memory to write about. Songs that I’ve tied to relationships and girls: Chelsea Cutler, The Weeknd, Robyn, The Avett Brothers - anything to try and force something I could write about today. It was at that point I realized, music for me is used to string together some significant points in my life. The songs help me recall why I feel the way I do. Lyrics bring out feelings and emotions every single time I hear the song. I hear “Bad at Love” and just remember joking with Ky about how accurate the song is at my relationship skills. Whenever I hear “Can’t Feel My Face” I think of hanging out at a strip club nightly, waiting for Heather to get done with work so we could stay up all night and cause trouble. Hiram and I bonded over, out of all the goddamn songs in the world, to “Set Fire to the Rain” because I was in a rough spot after I made a few verbal mistakes drinking and told my friend Tanya to drown in a sink. We stood on the balcony of his apartment and took videos of us trying to start the rain on fire with lighters. Yeah, not anywhere near bright but whenever we hear the song, we both laugh, or one of us will text the other saying that we just heard it. After I was done at the piano bar, it took a good couple of months for me to actually enjoy being able to listen to a local classic rock radio station because on any given day, the station would play almost every song I would hear for the first hour of work on a Saturday night. I still have nightmares to “Don’t Stop Believin’” and “Bohemian Rhapsody” among many others.

There are many times that I have to step back and look at the metaphorical crutch that music is to me. I have days where I listen to songs and just think of different times in my life where I’ve had problems, fights, situations that I can almost instantly remember thanks to a tune. I know other people have many different triggers for memory, and some, well, they’d rather not remember the past. It’s impossible for me not to think of the past with music because the music pulls out a balance inside of me that I need. Sometimes, it feels like I lean on it too much but there are times when I can escape in a two hour playlist of music and feel better than I’d ever feel talking to someone about my problems. Writing these entries has somewhat aided that as well.