3: Fight to keep what I have in My own struggles

  • Jan. 20, 2019, 4:29 p.m.
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Life wasn’t going to be the same again. I lost Jade but inside i was determined not to lose anything else. Jade had mentioned after breaking up that she found a house that she wanted to buy. Which also meant that in her mind she had planned that we would sell the house. This would turn out to be true in the end. I was determined to keep it because i simply adored our home.

The morning after the breakup - at this point, it still hadn’t sunk in what was going to be the new reality. I spent the first night at home sleeping in the spare bedroom. Ironically the bed in the main bedroom was something i contributed so one would have thought i should have slept in that bed. But because i had the previous nights away at grandma’s, Jade had got their first. So i ended up sleeping in the bed which her parents contributed.

Waking up in the bedroom on my own now proved just how isolated i was. My close friends who i hadn’t spoke to in 3 years were miles in Lichfield. I hadn’t got their phone numbers to ring up and need the support from. I’ve been through a similar situation again but with different consequences which i will write down later in the last few chapters.

First thing i did was to return Jade’s Christmas present back to the shop. I must admit that i brought this after we had “the chat” in the previous chapter as i didn’t bank on breaking up so quickly. I got her a ring, not an engagement ring but one that she spotted in a shop before and desired that she would like it for Christmas. The expensive lovey dovey Christmas card was also returned. I just about held it together when asking for the refunds but could have easily cried again but in public.

Wednesday after the break up, i had a meeting with Halifax to see if i could get a mortgage to buy out the house completely. The original value we bought the house for in 2012 was £222,500 but by 2015 house prices had risen and it was estimated that house was worth around £275k even before estate agents got round to value. I was scuppered really. I was on a contractors wage of £16.12 per hour working 40 hours per week at the time. Even before deductions, i could only get to a max borrowing value of £159k. Way short of the margin. From this point, i even advertised on gumtree and other sites to see if i could find a 2nd buyer to effectively buy out Jade. I had one response from a Chinese lady but she didn’t fully understand the terms of what i was advertising. Jade asked how i got on at the bank but i wasn’t really forthcoming because of the shame that deep inside, i knew i couldn’t buy her out. She was one step ahead of me and had already contacted estate agents to come round and value the house after Christmas.

I spent Christmas day and boxing day with my brother and we would both go to my mum’s for Christmas dinner. I must admit that the day itself was so utterly depressing. It would be the first time in 10 years that i would be single on this day. It hit me really hard but i didn’t show more sadness than if i was already showing. New year’s eve was spent along but this time i was back home on the couch but with Socks and Fudge, my cats. I still miss them to this day. That night again i was really sad.

Thursday 7th January, Jade had arranged a few estate agents to come round to value the house. This wasn’t making my mood any better and it was getting even more depressing. But the eventual estate agents who we went with, Connells, valued the house at £295k! Jade was loving it. My first reaction was ‘jeez!’ I did not expect that value to be that high. It pretty much put a nail in my coffin for trying to buy the whole house out. Sense started to prevail and unfortunately had to agree that we sell it. It went on the market that day and somehow got sold the next day for £291k. We would both end up with profits to use on our next home but that didn’t make me feel any better.

From mid January till mid March (when i moved out), i went to see a councilor. The whole situation hit me so hard that i didn’t what to do. I would see her once a week every Saturday morning to talk through the current problems i was facing. I found it so liberating to get these things in the open. One of the things i said that i wasn’t in control of anything that was happening, particularly when it came to communication with estate agents. The sessions were helpful with focusing myself short term to fight what was rightfully mine. I was in contact with Connells to keep me updated as I knew that any news from Jade would be “delayed” by a few days probably.

Jade had started to get really nasty with me. She wanted me out the house so that she could “move on with her life” but i wasn’t going to let that happen as the house was 50/50. Mum and dad both said that i stay put till the very end. I did that, stayed strong as i could. She was spending a lot of nights out when i was around so i certainly see the point of just handing her free nights in. There was one night in which i was out karting and she texted me to ask when i would be back in so it was more than likely that she had someone round. The longer i was staying in our home, the more it pissed her off. The love had definitely gone. It was volatile hate but glad to say that there wasn’t any violence between us.

The last thing i would lose to Jade would be Socks and Fudge. Unfortunately i couldn’t put up a fight on this one to keep them as time for was running short, i was moving in with Grandma for the short term. Even if i could have taken the cats, it wouldn’t have been fair on Grandma to bring them in with me. This was another reason to stay in the house every night. I could spend my remaining time with them. As Jade would be out every night, this did mean that i ended doing “cat jobs” every night when what was otherwise an alternate split rota. But for was going on, i actually didn’t mind this. When done, they would both sit on my lap when i was watching tv. I captured photo and video moments with them before i would move out which i still have on my phone to look at.

Wednesday 16th March - i start to move my stuff out the house and into grandma’s. I ended up having the majority of possessions coming out the house but was very little consolation in my life. This included the sofa, tv stand and main bed. I needed 2 days to get all the stuff out as we didn’t hire a van but my mum’s boyfriend who had a trailer. This meant 2 trips, over 2 days. Jade wasn’t amused but i didn’t care what she thought at this point. I actually hated her now and she hated me. Such a shame to have a long relationship just crash and burn like that. I did get to spend one more night in the house before i finally had to say goodbye to the house and even more sadly, Socks and Fudge. I did cry as i cuddled them saying that i would miss them both so much. I did tell them to be good for Jade though.

I went to Goodwood the weekend of 19th/20th for the Members Meeting race festival. Perhaps a slight tonic given i had vacated my house. I even had some household items with me including a vacuum cleaner of all things! That weekend paused my current thoughts of what was going on in my life but as i was making way up the A34 and M40, it kicked in that i now had to start rebuilding my life.

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