Depressed in Everyday Musings of a Very Tired Mama

Feeling depressed lately. Babe and I barely have conversations these days. If he’s not on the phone or tablet, he’s just zoned out. He is super depressed and I am hopeful that once his new medication kicks in, he will be feeling better. I feel like everything falls on me and so I am pulled in about 1000 different directions. Pickle can be so challenging to deal with.
We went to the park yesterday. Babe automatically assumed I was going to take Pickle and leave him and BooBoo at home. Instead, Babe dropped me and Pickle off so he could ride his bike and he took BooBoo to a couple stores. I realized we had forgotten Pickle’s helmet at home so I was uber paranoid that he was going to fall the entire time. After we went about a mile, we stopped at the playground for a bit. I sat on a bench by the water where I could watch him. And I was just watching the people around me having happy conversations, talking about meaningful things and I thought, I Miss That. Perhaps Babe and I haven’t had regular conversations for a awhile, but I never noticed until I was no longer working. I feel isolated and lonely much of the time. Typically no adults to talk to. Even when I am feeling completely optimistic, I can feel the mood shift when Babe comes home. I don’t feel like I have an equal partner, a co-conspirator. It’s like I just have an extra kid sometimes. Being in the sunshine and around adults yesterday was nice, it made me feel better. I do need to get hooked up with some other moms in the community for playdates. I need to put myself out there. It’s just hard when BooBoo is on a specific schedule. On the days we take Babe to work and I have the car, I drop Pickle off and come home, feed BooBoo and then she takes a nap. Then lunch and there is some time in there before I have to pick up Pickle around 2:30. I don’t think I should have a problem finding someone to hang with in that afternoon part.