Christmas Visit/Brother Battle in New Beginnings

I visited Erika & her family over Christmas. I left on the 22nd, and came back on the 2nd. Generally, I had a pleasant time. I didn’t get to see much of St. Louis. So much of our time was booked by meeting her family and friends. Just as well, the weather was cold, rainy, and ugly-looking. It behooved us to stay in doors.

The first day was exceptionally long. I spent the night before my flight getting everything packed and readying my house for my absence. By the time I was finished, it was passed 11:30pm. My flight the next day was at 8:00am, but the shuttle I was taking to Atlanta left at 3:40am, so rather than risk oversleeping and missing my flight, I just stayed up until I had to leave. I made my flight in time, and landed in St. Louis around 9:00am. Erika picked me up, took me back to her house and took me back to her house to get settled in. We hung out for a bit until after noon, at which point she had planned to take me to meet her best friend, Mary. Mary is a sweet woman close to her 60s in age. She owns and runs a physical therapy practice. We fellowshipped for a little while exchanging pleasantries and getting to know one another. It was a little bit tortuous, as Mary has a very calm, even voice, and I was starting to feel my fatigue. After that, we went to a Christmas Eve service at her parents’ church. I realize this was on the 22nd, but that church is so big, it had several services on each of the few days before Christmas.

We arrived first and had to save seats for her parents and siblings to arrive. They arrived right as the service began, so we didn’t get to formally meet each other until afterwards. They were all very polite, even if her dad is somewhat intimidating. Not that he was abrasive; he was exceptionally friendly. He’s also 6‘8” in addition to being a successful attorney. After the service, we went to her parents house for dinner. Her parents’ house is something else. I don’t think “mansion” would be the right descriptor, but it’s a very upscale, modern home. Apparently money and eccentricity really do go together. The décor consisted of a wide range of items from suits of armor and medieval weaponry to guitars to stuffed animals. On the landing next to the stairs and along the railing all the way up them and across the walkway was stuffed animal after stuffed animal after stuffed animal. Not to mention they filled a huge on the wall above the main entrance. I asked Erika about them, and she said her dad would often get them for her and her siblings, and since she has six of them, that’s why there are so many. The weirdest thing I saw a giant vase full of swords. Seriously, the container must have been about 3ft tall by 2ft in diameter, and it was just filled with swords. I didn’t ask about that as I doubt there any sane answer to give. After dinner, we socialized until about 8:00pm, at which point I was spent, so she took me home, and I think I fell asleep before my head hit the pillow.

Erika has six younger siblings if I haven’t already mentioned them: Alicia, Ryan, Brandon, Quentin, Sabrina, & Abby, ranging from 32 (Alicia) to 19 (Abby). Her brothers were all very standoffish, but Sabrina was very social, and Alicia and I had pleasant exchange getting to know each other. Erika cautioned me that her mom and Abby could be slightly socially awkward, but I got along with them just fine. A few years ago, Abby got her parents to get her a couple of pet cats. While she and I didn’t speak much, we had a couple of nice moments of silence just sitting together playing with her kitties. I felt a little put off by the fact that Erika and all of her siblings inherited her father’s height. Erika says she’s only 6ft, but I think she’s 6‘1”. All of her brothers have a solid half-a-head on me at least. Only Alicia is shorter than me by an inch (I’m 5‘11”).

We spent Christmas morning and afternoon at her parent’s house with her siblings, niece & nephew (Alicia’s children), brother-in-law (Alicia’s husband), and future sister-in-law (Quentin’s fiancé). For dinner, her extended family rents out a VFW hall and have a giant pot-luck. On the days following Christmas, we hung around her house. She teaches voice and piano out of her home, so I would disappear to a room on the far end where I could prepare for the tax class I’m teaching this semester. The next few evenings were consumed by having dinner at other friend’s houses as well as at her parents.

On one of those nights, she wanted to host an event to let me meet all her friends. She called it an open house. She knows I’m very introverted. She claims to be introverted, too, but considering how many friends with whom she socializes on a regular basis, I’m skeptical. At the very least, she’s not as far to the “I” side of the Meyer’s-Briggs test as I am. We’ve talked about how, parties and socializing exhaust me and I get my fill comparatively quickly. I think the idea was to have 3 hours where all friends could stop by and visit for a few little while and leave. That’s not how it turned out. It was basically a party, a party with a bunch of loud women, a party with a bunch of loud women that I couldn’t leave. As a wall-flower, I normally ghost out of the situation, but considering I was the purpose of the gathering, my absence would be noticed. My only saving grace was that it didn’t last much longer than it was supposed to. She realized the folly of her ways, apologized with tears, and ended up consoling her somehow.

A few days later, I returned home, began my semester, and here I am. I put Calico (my cat) in a boarding facility. I was concerned it would be traumatic for her, but she’s quickly forgiven me.

My brother and I aren’t speaking at the moment. I don’t know if it’s a fight or what, but he became irritated with me before my trip. He normally calls me every Sunday evening. We basically have the same conversation every week, or rather, he makes me have the same conversation every week. I want to be polite to him, but his calls can sometimes be rather tedious. He asks me the same question every time.

Him: What’d you make in the crock pot this week?
Me: I made [insert dish here].
Him: What’s in it?
Me: [I list the ingredients]
Him: How do you make it?
Me: [I explain the process]
Him: Do you have a grill?

The entire time I’m thinking, “I make it the same way & with the same ingredients as I explained to you the last dozen times, and I don’t have a grill…why do you need to hear these answers every week.” I don’t say that. I just politely humor, but our last conversation was too difficult for me to put up with.

He was asking me about my upcoming trip to visit Erika, and his questions started coming across as commands (Have you got her gift? What about her parents? Have you gotten them a house gift? What clothes are you bringing? There get-together may be formal). After so much, I couldn’t take it anymore, and I politely, yet firmly, explained to him that I would navigate this relationship on my own. “I know you want to mentor me on this,” I told him, “but I’ve got it.” That last comment may have been what ticked him off.

“I’m not trying to mentor you, Rob! I just want to make sure you know what you’re doing and you make the best decisions. I’m going to go now. Bye.”

That was literally the last thing he said to me. Conveniently, he hung up before I could point out that he basically just described mentoring. Oh, well. At least I don’t have to explain him what I’m eating tomorrow.

Last updated January 13, 2019