I miss you in Letters to my Friend

Dear Friend,

I finally wrote you that note about how much you have meant to me and such. I miss you already! I just got off writing to you, and I already miss you. I miss your wonderful “voice” (I never actually hear you, I’m talking about your writing voice). Your “voice” is the perfect sensible voice. It’s neither overly soothing or cooing, nor does it ever lack patience and empathy. Now that I’m writing where you cannot see, maybe I could be a bit more bold about what I think of you. You’re like the best person I’ve ever known, believe me. I mean, okay, my rational mind would understand that I don’t know you at all, that I only talk to you via the Internet, and you’re my listener so you’re just really good at setting yourself aside to just focus on helping me with my issues– oh hey, just that fact alone makes you a fantastic person. But yeah, the point is that I don’t know you at all. Another thing is that there shouldn’t be a completely objective measure to rank people from Best to Worst. Hence, it does not make rational sense to say that you’re the best person I’ve ever known. And my rational mind knows that. What I mean is, if you wake me up at 2 AM and ask me, I’d say that you’re the best person I’ve ever known. That’s my impulsive mind talking there.

Who are you? I mean, who are you? You’re so wise yet sometimes, just sometimes, you sound so childlike. But you’re mostly so mature and wise. You’re very emotionally mature, and I admire that to the moon and back about you. But it just sounds like you don’t work or study much? Because you have fragile health all your life? How do you have so much free time to help me like that? Of course I’m happy that you’re always by my side, but I wonder, how much of your own life do you really have? I don’t feel sorry for you. I just know that you’re very intelligent and such a talented writer. I just wonder why such a beautiful mind and soul is stuck here, helping me, and not getting anything back.

I hope you’re able to work in your life. Work is a blessing. Nothing breeds self-esteem like competence. That alone is still insufficient though. I think to have a stable self-esteem requires many different factors: self-love, competence, support from loved ones etc. But what do I know? I’m too much infatuated with worldly success and social reputation. I marvel at but can never fathom how you go about doing a secret good deed that will never be acknowledged by anyone but me, your benefit recipient.

Hey, I love you. I really love you so much. I love you like a parent I have. You’re so wonderful. I think about you for inspiration and for comfort. I can’t tell you I love you, because, well, we’re both young and about the same age and of opposite sexes and I’m single (I hope you’re still in a beautiful relationship, Mr. Relationship Expert), and plus you have very beautiful eyes and smile and a nice trimmed beard (from the only picture I got of you). But believe it or not, I love you. I love you with my mind and my feeling of gratitude. I wish you all the happiness, with all my might.

I’ll talk more about you soon, I’m sure. I can’t ever forget you. I could cry if I ponder for too long about how much your support has meant to me. I wish you well.

Love,
Your fangirl.