January 5th in Posso's Prompts

My friend suggested I tell the story/write about the time I broke my hip during sex, so I guess today’s prompt could be geared towards the question, what’s the most obscure injury or freak accident you’ve had?

If you have known me in the past 10 or so years you know that when I indulge in a few alcoholic beverages, I sometimes get a little ‘out-of-control.’ The story of how I broke my hip while having sex is definitely not out of this realm.
To provide a little background, I had been working at Buck and Badger, a wannabe Northwoods lodge with chintzy looking wood paneling, overpriced food, and shitty drink selections hearlded by concoctions that included shitty s’mores vodka martinis and raspberry vodka and ginger beer. My buddy Mason and I had quite the regular crew that used to visit us on Saturday nights - Mason for the looks and charismatic companionship, me for the subpar service, irrational emotions and what became to be known as the ‘Posso Pour’ - A ridiculous amount of booze in a glass with a splash of whatever you wanted it to be mixed with. Some people complained that they were lucky to have two drinks from me before they couldn’t drink anymore
One of these regulars was a girl that I knew of, only because of a friend, and that’s because they had been sleeping together. This girl was a nice girl, she meant well, but man did she like to drink and she drank A LOT. She had a very raspy voice, and it got louder and more high-pitched with every Moscow Mule she drank. Whenever I would be working she would come in, drink a lot, drunkenly flirt, and then try to tell me I should come home with her. She always concerned me because I knew she was harmless, she just wasn’t my type, and I knew that without alcohol, I could handle her attempts and still gently reject her. The issue is, when I was drinking, I was a whole different story -you would never know where I’d be going. One night, while not having to work, I was visiting buck and I ran into my semi-stalker. Mind you, I have a tendency most nights while binge drinking, to black out, so pieces of the story are a little blurry and some are totally second hand accounts.
I had a few shots of Jameson and a couple drinks that Mason claimed were as potent as something I would pour. I was well on my way to being drunk and feeling carefree and invincible. She tracked me down and started having drinks with me, then started feeding me shots. Who was I to say no? I was just out to have a good time. Then as it started getting hazy, I realized she was setting the trap and next thing I knew drunk me was sucking face and eventually being pulled by the arm towards an apartment.
From here, there are a lot of steps where you can use your imagination to fill some things in, because to this day I still don’t know exactly all that occurred on that full-size foldout futon until about 3 AM. All I know is that I was very intoxicated, but still conscious enough to know that I willingly did not want to have sex with this girl as I knew sober I would never put her or myself in the situation. I then remember tears, some ‘why don’t you like me, nobody likes me, I don’t know what I’m doing we should just fool around’ kind of stuff. I think at that point I thought it was over/ I was just that drunk and ready to pass out because the next thing I remember, (actually the next thing I remember feeling) is an excruciating shooting pain in my hip which followed by me audibly howling in agony all while simultaneously realizing I am fully clothed with a 250 pound girl bouncing up-and-down on top of me with my penis through the zipper fly of my jeans. I am in so much pain that it brought me out of a black out to the point where I know something is broken, but also at this point I’m just trying to get this very large drunk monstrosity off of me. Luckily, the alcohol is catching up to her as well and I shoved her to the side and roll up very tight to the wall babying what I think is a bruised hip waiting for her to finally pass out. The next issue though, is that I’m also still very drunk, sleepy, and in pain so I end up falling asleep on my side huddled into the wall.
The next thing I know I wake up, to a shooting pain, with the sun beating in my face and I am soaked from what I think is sweat. I Immediately assess the situation as best as I can considering I’m still full of booze at six in the morning. The girl, naked, is snoring at levels comparable to a grandpa after scotch and cigars at his buddies pinochle night. I know what I must do immediately; I need to run away. The problem is that as soon as I try to roll and plant my leg over this girl I can tell that my hip is broken. I let out a muffled scream as soon as I put weight on my foot. While I’m doing this I notice why I am all wet - there is a puddle trail starting from this girl running all the way towards the wall. Not only did she break my hip, she peed all over me. Aching, soaking wet, feeling helpless and defeated, I just wanted my own bed. Staggering towards the door I see the next problem that I was not aware of, this girls got an uncaged 80 pound guard dog sitting at the open door and it is staring daggers and rearing it’s fangs at me. Gingerly, I scoot around it while grabbing a slice of pizza off of the counter and feeding it. In the same instance I can see she starts to stir from her slumber - and now I am totally like “fuck it, get me the fuck out of here.”
I hop-hobble my way out the screen door and shuffle down the driveway incline to figure out where I am. Luckily it doesn’t take long to figure out that I am right next to James Madison Park. I know exactly how to get home. The issue is, if I walk from James Madison Park to where I live off of Fordem Ave, it’s over 1 1/2 miles. But at this point like I said “fuck it, get me the fuck out of here.” I gingerly slid-walked all the way home reeking of piss and booze and definitely got looks from every car that passed me. I definitely went to the hospital, I definitely got checked out, I definitely had a broken hip, but most definitely did I never see her in a bar again while working.
My hip still hurts sometimes when I have sex.