2019 Already? Holy Crap! in Everyday Musings of a Very Tired Mama

Christmas seems like a distant memory but I will try to re-cap.
Christmas Eve with the GPs and the GF’s parents was really nice. We ate entirely too much food and had a ridiculous amount of fun and laughter. I don’t really remember what time we got home, but it was late enough that we just threw Pickle and Boo in bed and then we finished wrapping presents. Christmas morning Babe’s dad came over and watched the kids open presents. Pickle gets overwhelmed by a lot of gifts, which is hard for me because I get him a ton of stuff. I want him to have that excitement and awe at the sheer number of presents under the tree. Instead, because of his ASD, he opened a couple presents then announced he was tired of opening stuff. On a FB page for moms of autistic children I recently joined, the disappointment of Christmas was a common theme. I know Christmas isn’t all about the presents and blah, blah, blah, but who doesn’t want to see their kid insanely excited on Christmas morning? Maybe BooBoo will fill that irrational need I have.
Christmas afternoon we went back over to GPs house. Had a wonderful dinner with vegetarian, non vegetarian and vegan stuff equally. Again, we ate too much. Started to watch Birdbox but Pickle starting paying attention to it so it had to be turned off. BooBoo wouldn’t nap and the activity of the last week or so finally caught up with me, so we left in time to get home and throw Booboo in bed. Pickle was probably up a little longer.
We still haven’t finished Birdbox.
Spent the day of NYE at a kids’ play place we hadn’t been to before. Pickle had a lot of fun and Booboo even had a Baby area that she seemed to have a good time in. At midnight we were just finishing up the Netflix series Haunting of Hill House. New Years Day, we did nothing.

Pickle doesn’t go back to school until Tuesday. Today we went to the library and got him his very own library card. I’m looking forward to reading some of the books to him tonight.

Babe is extremely depressed. I finally told him last night that I walk on eggshells around him and that I’m tired of him losing his patience and his temper and being so negative. It makes me so happy when he is in a good mood and has fun being part of the family. It’s the part of him that sits on his phone and is completely disengaged from us that is getting to be a much bigger part of things. His antidepressant is no longer helping and his psychiatrist gave him a new one that started to help but the insurance wouldn’t pay for it. He goes to see her again Tuesday and I told him he needs to tell her what’s going on and get something done about it. The struggles we are going through with Pickle are really rough. I can’t take feeling like I’m dealing with everything alone.

I have been struggling with trying to find a part time job, even though it would be extremely hard to do so while being home full time with Booboo. I feel like I don’t have a purpose and don’t know where I belong. I have never been out of the (paid) workforce before and I feel lost. I am doing these surveys online and making maybe a little more than $50 a month for relatively little work. I would love to be a freelance writer, but I’m hitting some dead ends there. I just sent a sample to this one place. It’s a “content mill” and pays shit but it’s a place to start. Especially since I don’t yet have a portfolio per se. I’m also trying to get better at writing here.

We’ve been talking more about homeschooling Pickle and I think that’s what will end up happening. I have some friends who have homeschooled their kids and they have been incredibly helpful and insightful.