Moving along, lesson about envy in Letters to my Friend

Dear Friend,

I’m contemplating messaging you again. I mean, messaging you for real, not merely journaling and imagining that you’re reading it. I’m going to message you again and tell you how much your support has meant to me, even though I’ve said it a million times before. I try not to make things I say here overlap so much with things I actually tell you. I don’t want you to track me down, haha. Not that you would. You have too much respect. I’m just taking the extra measure.

Anyway, I’m moving along. I’m seeking new opportunities. I’ve wrote two emails to this editor of this journal, asking if he has a book he’d like me to write a review for. I’m so nervous! I’m trying to get into publishing. I think my writing is so juvenile and I need a lot more practice. What can I do but to work harder? Am I working too hard? Not hard enough?

I’m learning to not be envious. I used to be so envious of people. On FB, I would mute the most accomplished friends of mine (FB friends, of course). I don’t want their many accomplishments to pop into my feed. On Youtube, I would avoid watching the kind of How I got a 180 on the LSAT or How I got into Harvard videos. I’m always so nervous and anxious to impress when I talk to people more accomplished than I. Et cetera.

But you know what, I’ll try not to me that way anymore. I’ll try to listen to accomplished people talk about their lives, and learn from them. They give me ideas of what to do. I’ll try to listen less to people who aren’t close to living the life I want to live, I mean in terms of level success. I mean, I’ll listen in order to help them, perhaps, but never to absorb their outlook on life. I’ll try. And yes, I’ll be more relaxed in the face of talented and successful individuals. I’ll ask them how they have done all of that.

It’s okay if I’ll never match up to them. I’m here to get better than I was before.

Love,
Your fangirl.