I've decided to create a 30 Question Challenge. A list of 30 questions to answer, either on a daily basis or at the beginning of each entry (I'll be doing the latter as I don't write every day, other than during NoJoMo). Feel more than free to steal and do this challenge! Here is a list of the challenge questions:
- What's the meanest thing you've ever done/said to someone?
- If you could have an hour long conversation with anyone, living or dead, who would you choose and what would you hope to gain from that conversation? 3. Do you have post-death plans made (funeral, burial/cremation, etc)? What's the plan?
- What's the story behind one or two of your scars?
- What's the best advice you've ever received?
- What's the first thing you think of when you wake up for the day?
- Do you follow a routine in the shower? If yes, what's your routine?
- What is your definition of love?
- Explain, to the best of your capabilities, an inside joke you share with a friend(s).
- What do you believe happens to us after we die?
- What are your ideal sleeping conditions?
- Describe your parents' relationship.
- Do you believe in luck? Why or why not?
- What do you think about the death penalty?
- What do you think about abortion?
- What do you think about gay marriage/rights?
- Describe a quirk or two that you have.
- If you had a "1 Free Revenge" card, meaning you could get revenge on one person in ANY way, shape or form and NOT be punished for it, who would would you use your card on and how would you exact your revenge?
- Are there any lyrics from a song or a quote from a movie that has special meaning to you? If yes, what is the lyric/quote and why is it special to you?
- If you had an unlimited budget, how would you change your living space?
- Tell us 3 random facts about yourself.
- Has something life changing happened to you in the last year? If yes, what was it? If no, what do you wish would happen and how you hope/think it would change your life.
- If you could go anywhere in the world, money is no object, everything is included, where would you go and why? What would you do while there?
- If you died but had 24hrs. to spend on earth as a spirit (ghost, whatever), what would you do and how would you make someone aware of your presence? How/why would they know it's you?
- You've won a contest and the prize is your dream date. You can choose anyone you want, who do you choose (and why)? You can do anything you want, cost is no factor, what would you do?
- What is your opinion on suicide?
- Who was your last phone call from and what did you talk about?
- If you could eat only one thing for the next 5 years, what would you choose?
- Did you have an imaginary friend when you were younger? If yes, describe him/her/it and your relationship.
- List 5 things in your house that have sentimental value and why they have value to you.
I'm going to answer 2 questions today because I darn well feel like it. I created this challenge so my own rules apply and my rule is you can answer as many questions as you want at any time. You don't have to follow a strict schedule. So, today, you get 2 questions/answers. Enjoy!
3. Do you have post-death plans made (funeral, burial/cremation, etc)? What's the plan? I have a loose plan, nothing set in stone (yet). I should probably get on that sooner rather than later... I don't want a funeral. Funerals are depressing, I don't want people to gather in depression, I'd rather them have a party in my honour and remember the good times, keep my memory alive even though I'm "gone". I want to be cremated, my ashes being divided between Geno (if he's still alive, I really do hope to go before him), Tristan & Nathan. If I die before my mother, for whatever reason, she'll also get some of my ashes in a memorial urn like the other 3. Other than that, that's really all I've thought about. Oh, that and if I can, I'm going to haunt the hell out of people. I told Geno that after I die, if he's still alive, I'd find a way to let him know my spirit is with him. Some kind of sign that he can't deny is me. Not sure what that'll be yet though...
4. What's the story behind one or two of your scars? Well, I will tell you about 2 of my scars, one self-inflicted and the other from a mishap when I was a little kid. I never really talked about this openly until after I stopped cutting, but I used to cut myself as a way of coping. Of course, I realize now just how crazy that was, but at the time, there was just something about cutting through my flesh, watching it bleed, getting stitches and eventually taking out the stitches (or staples, sometimes I'd get staples instead of stitches). The whole process was a way of coping the stress I endured over more than half of my life. I have numerous scars from cutting, but the one I will tell you about today is one that nearly killed me. It was January of 2006 and I was incredibly depressed as both my sons had been taken from me and I was told that the Ministry was planning to never give them back and they were going to put them up for adoption, my mother adopting Tristan and a private family adopting Nathan. I remember being told that by the social worker and when I hung up the phone, I was so agitated that I just HAD to do something to calm myself down. So I turned to my trusty razor blade and sliced deep into the side of my wrist. I had no intention of trying to kill myself. It didn't bleed all that much, but I still required a bunch of stitches (13 in total). The next day, I was in the shower and two or three of the stitches "popped open" (the only way I can describe it) and blood was gushing out rapidly. I called for Geno, who called 911 as I threw on some clothes so that I wasn't completely naked when the paramedics got there. I manged to wrap the wound with gauze pads and Geno applied a makeshift tourniquet, which slowed the blood flow. By the time the paramedics arrived (maybe 8 minutes from the time Geno called 911), there was a pool of blood around me and my shirt was SOAKED with blood as well. They raced me to the hospital, lights and sirens and everything. When I got there, the Dr checked it out but by then, the bleeding had slowed down to almost a trickle. As soon as he turned around though, I bent my wrist and the blood started gushing again. The Dr turned back to look at me and he said "Shit, get her into trauma 1 NOW!" and I was raced to the trauma room, Dr E* (the ER Dr) racing along side the bed, telling me to hang in there (I was started to lose consciousness by that point from a combination of blood loss and severely low blood pressure). In the trauma room, they put on a tourniquet at the top of my arm, it was kind of like a blood pressure cuff but about 10 times tighter and more uncomfortable. The Dr stitched up the artery that I had nicked and when I came to shortly after, he explained that when I originally cut it (I told him I'd cut it on a knife that was in the garbage can, no way was I admitting I did it to myself), it nicked the artery but the immediate swelling of the surrounding tissue applied enough pressure on the artery itself that I didn't bleed out. Then, when the swelling went down the day after, it removed the pressure from the artery and that's why it gushed out rapidly. I had cut myself exactly where one would slit their wrists with the intent to die. I was just lucky enough that I didn't start bleeding out while I was sleeping, I wouldn't have been aware of it and likely wouldn't have ever woken up again. The 2nd scar I'm going to tell you about is the burn scar on my right inner elbow and forearm. When I was about a year and a half old, my aunt (dad's sister) was visiting my mom and they made tea. My mom made it a point to push the teacup away from the edge of the table, but didn't think to turn the handle away and I got my pinkie finger around the handle and pulled the cup down off the coffee table - a cup that had boiling water in it as it had been JUST poured out of the kettle. Luckily, the cup hit my mom's knee first and then my arm, had it not hit her knee, it would've burned my face. I was wearing a little onesie at the time and the material actually MELTED into my inner elbow. My aunt was yelling at my mom to put butter on it (idiot), but my mom just held my arm under cool water, then brought me to the hospital. I had severe 3rd degree burns on my inner elbow and 2nd degree burns going down my forearm and a 1st degree burn on my inner wrist. Thankfully my mom took very good care of the burn afterwards and the scarring I do have, while noticeable if you look directly at it, is actually quite minimal considering how badly I was burned.
So, onto some bittersweet news. The friends that we swapped cats with decided that Yoda wasn't the right fit for them and discovered they missed Mary Jane a lot more than they thought they would. So, Friday night, we swapped kitties again and now Yoda is back with us. Which is great because I really did miss him a lot. Even though we have to keep him and Darwin separated 24/7, at least he's still here, know what I mean? It feels like our family is complete once again and the balance has been restored. So glad we didn't have the chance to take him to the SPCA because we wouldn't be able to get him back. So now, we really have to figure out how to get Yoda and Darwin to get along again. One of them is getting neutered next week and then the other will be neutered whenever we get either the CTB or income tax $$. Hopefully that's sooner rather than later.
I am SO incredibly thirsty today. Well, I have been the last 3 or 4 days and I don't know why. I've been checking my blood sugar levels regularly and other than the odd spike here and there, it's been under control. So, I'm not sure what's going on. The thirst is just so bad, I've been downing water like you wouldn't believe. I can't wait for payday (Wednesday, 28th), so I can get some tea bags and sugar and make my yummy homemade tea. If you're interested in the recipe, let me know because I have it down to an exact science, exactly the way I like it. It took a bunch of tries, all which were drinkable and not bad, before I figured the exact timing and measurements/ratios that makes what I consider to be the perfect jug of ice tea. And I'm adventurous with the flavours I use. So far, my two fave ice teas are "chocolate chai" and "licorice spice". SOOOO YUMMMMMY! I could drink it 24/7. When we do our big grocery shop on Wednesday or Thursday, I'm going to get the licorice spice, chocolate chai teas for sure and I'm going to tell Geno to buy me a variety pack so I can experiment with different flavours. I'm excited!
I called the CTB (Child Tax Benefit) Friday and the woman I talked to barely spoke English. I had to ask her to repeat herself over and over and over again. I felt kind of bad that I couldn't understand her and finally had to say "I'm sorry, but I'm having a very difficult time understanding you, can you please transfer me to another agent?". She was nice about it, apologized and transferred me to an agent that I could actually understand. I still didn't have my question answered because she seemed to have no freakin' CLUE as to what I was trying to explain. All I got was "Your claim has been approved, now it just needs to be processed, that can take up to 6 WEEKS!". They got our request 3 weeks ago and we were told it would be 6 weeks from then. So I have a feeling she was confused as to what I was asking and told me 6 weeks since that's how long it'll take from when they got it. sighs I'll call again on Thursday or Friday and ask again. Maybe, hopefully, I'll get someone competent at that point. Then again, it's the government. Where one hand doesn't know what the other one is doing. I swear to cow, if you called 3 separate times and talked to 3 different people, asked them the exact same question, you'd get 3 completely different answers. Seriously!
Not much going on this weekend. We're strapped for cash until Wednesday, so meals are pretty bleak at the moment. I can't wait for Wednesday so we can get some decent groceries. And cinnamon buns. Oh my Frank, I must have cinnamon buns! I guess I should write out a meal plan for September and along with that, a grocery list of what we'll need for the month. We only do our grocery shopping once a month and we make meals ahead of time (usually just the meals that require ingredients that would spoil if not made right away), then freeze them so that when we want them, we can just put them into the fridge the night before so we can have it the next day. It seems to work out the best for us. We used to do our groceries twice a month, but found that we saved quite a bit of money buying in bulk and saved on transportation cost as well (only $20, but $20 is $20 more we can spend on food or other necessary items!).
Some good luck has come our way twice this last week! On Wednesday, Geno went for a walk to see if he could get a smoke or two for me. On his walk, he found a pack of smokes that was missing only ONE smoke from the pack! He looked around, but there wasn't anyone nearby that could've dropped it, so he brought it home for me. Score one! Then today, he went out again (he does this daily for me) and on the ground, he found 18 whole cigarettes! Holy shit, right?! Score number two! I do actually plan on quitting again. I have 3 boxes of nicotine gum (Thrive), so once this pack Geno found today is done, I'm going to start using the gum and maybe, hopefully, I can finally kick the habit. For good this time. It certainly doesn't help the situation with my asthma/chest infection, so quitting is definitely on the "must do" list.
Speaking of the "Must Do" list, we really have to kick our asses into gear this afternoon so we can finally get the place up to par once again. We've been fairly good about keeping the place nice, organized and clean since we moved in, but we've kind of let it go for the last week and it's driving me absolutely fucking crazy, so I'm putting my foot down and we're going to get shit done today. I'll do the kitchen and most of the bathroom (I can't clean the tub, my back winds up hurting way too much if I even try), Geno can do the living room and all the baseboards (they just need to be gone over with a Lysol wipe) and together, we'll tackle the bedroom. The bedroom really isn't bad at all because we barely use it now that we've got the bed in the living room, so we just have to do the baseboards (Geno's task) and wipe the walls where it's needed, wipe the blinds if need be and go over the ledge and ledge decor with a Lysol wipe. The living room needs the most TLC right now, especially my coffee table and the floors. Once it's done, I'll feel A LOT better, as I always do once our place is up to my standards. I hate disorganization and messiness. It drives me batshit crazy. Everything has to be just so, a certain way, otherwise it's "not right" and I get all anxious over it. So, it'll be nice to have it done this afternoon.
My mom called me earlier to ask if I had a Value Village club card, which I don't. Apparently they're having a 50% off everything sale and people with the VV club card get 50% off today as well. She suggested going there and picking out a bunch of stuff and asking them to hold it for us until tomorrow, but I told her they don't do that. Both Geno and I have worked at Value Village and even when we worked there, they wouldn't hold onto anything longer than half an hour after your shift. And if you didn't work there, they wouldn't hold it for that long even. So my mom said she'll see what she can do tomorrow, it's a possibility that she'll be taking me and Geno there to get some new (to us) clothes. I pretty much just want a pair of jeans, a pair of yoga pants/sweat pants (to lounge in) and a handful of t-shirts. Geno definitely needs new clothes since he's lost well over 100 pounds since Christmas. He's no down to 204, from 320 at Christmas-time. Yes, it's great that he's now at a healthy weight, but our Dr is very concerned about how rapidly he lost the weight without even trying. That, combined with the severe anemia, has him "gravely concerned about cancer". Yep, the big C-word has been dropped.
Honestly, I have myself convinced that it's not cancer. It can't be. He just can't have cancer. We talked about what he would do should it be cancer and he said he'd want to fight it as aggressively as possible. Chemo, radiation, whatever it takes. I have to admit that I am a little scared. Okay, I'm a lot scared. I don't want to lose my husband. I love him more than anyone (other than my kids, but that should go without saying) and I don't know what I would do without him. My mom mentioned it in passing a few weeks ago, after I mentioned the cancer worry, she said something along the lines of "I can't imagine how bad you'll get if Geno dies before you..." and I agreed with her and said something along the lines of "If he dies, then you can expect me to die not long after!". My mom didn't freak out or tell me not to talk like that, she just nodded and gave me a hug. I think she understands in her own way.
Anyhow, I'm gonna end this here, but be on the lookout because I'm in a "writey mood" and will likely do a survey here shortly.
Sarah. xoxox
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