communication. and well fuk there goes another one. drea. in 2018

so again. this is the reason i don’t talk to people. Now Drea. is someone i’ve come to before w/ things. i know her from HS i’ve mentioned her before in here. in fact when i came out to her back in april she was the most, supportive.
well recently. via fb pm i’ve asked a few people if they’re. someone who has anxiety. you know to start off w/ to um. so i can talk about my situation.
yeah so i asked...........Drea, that question and told her that a reason i didn’t do as well as i should’ve was due to my anxiety. and that i feel bad about it.
and i thought she’d be understanding about. um what i mentioned. she’s ‘don’t’. yeah i don’t see how that’s helping when anxiety is something i already have. that’s why i asked! to find people who will be understanding about it. like don’t tell me how to feel or how not to feel. ok it’s not like i can just wake up and turn off my anxiety. it doesn’t work that way.
and then. she asks. the med question. basically ‘do you take meds?’ [i don’t btw. for mental disorders. the reason being lack of privacy.]. if i i’m talking to someone about something. then again. i need them to be in the moment w/ me. when i’m talking about it. don’t tell me how to feel or how not to feel. or ask if i take meds. so that’s for those reading this who have my fb as things not to do/say. ya know if someone’s upset i’m not going to tell them not to be upset. i’m going to get them tissues and water if it’s someone offline. and if not. well first. i’ll ask if they want to talk about it. or. i’ll tell them i’m here. it’s kindof like the whole ‘boys don’t cry’ thing. [no not the movie although i love that movie.]. no i’m talking about the actual idea, of telling someone that. that’s. really kindof damaging.
i. wow well that’s out. for now.
Right so. in my last entry i was. talking about communication. um. well so last wk. i opened up to my mom about why, i didn’t brush as well as i should’ve. [i’m not proud of it but uh yeah. but i thought you were doing better? yeah. exactly. i was.]. and it’s partially anxiety but the part. i told her about. was that i hate being tickled and my sensory issues and that when i um. brush it tickles. i also get nauseaus when i brush my molars [yes and that’s why i don’t as much] it’s the reflex thing. it triggers that um. reflex. so ya know. i communicated that, to my mom. weak stomach here a reason i won’t go on. so i’ve figured out what to do about both. but my um. solution, to the being tickled thing. will probably last longer then the nauseau one. [which btw. is sprite/milk/mints.]. i know they whoever ‘they’ are. well ‘they’ have antinauseau pills but then...........there’s the privacy issue. so.
oh so. earlier when i looked in the mirror. i saw bleeding actually between, my teeth. so that’s new. and alarming. which might be a side effect. once i’m done w/ taking the antibios. i’ma well actually i’ve already started this. but um. i’m going to add, notes to dr. earp about my side effects Days um. 5 - 7. that is if i remember. to note them. and it’s not that i want more blood testing [i don’t btw] it’s just. i’m just wondering from her. in her opinion. is that a side effect or not? and that’s all i want to know. no testing just a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ thing.
yeah so um. like i’ve mentioned it’s been. a lot.