An interesting 24 in Book Five: Working Through the Maze 2018
- Nov. 11, 2018, 10:53 a.m.
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- Public
Written on my phone:
Saturday involved getting my car back from the shop (finally!) and it is weird driving low to the ground again.
Then Couple’s Counseling which was pointless. Wife is so scattered due to the move that we couldn’t approach any serious topics… and I really want to approach serious topics, obviously!!!!
Then drove to my parents house. I started feeling weird. Like headache, super stiff, body vibrating… tried to eat dinner as Mom made my favorite meal… threw it up. That is when I knew.... the whole thing was down to Body Pain. Between the moving and the record low temperature....my body had reached the absolute limit of pain it could tolerate.... beyond. So I threw up and realized what it was. Then took a 45 minute soaking bath to help… Then instantly went to bed. Wife wasn’t happy with the snoring, woke me up a few times… and she complained about my breath (for obvious reasons). In my sleep, I had a rather telling dream. In it, a college aged girl was sending DEFINITE signals that she was seriously physically interested in me. When I appeared to be receptive but ethically conflicted (due to being married) she brought her equally receptive friend out and encouraged me to meet them later that night. I seriously wanted to. I spent the rest of the dream trying to quietly sneak away to go to them.
Woke up… slept under 9 blankets and slept for 11 hours… seriously helped my pain. But the dream stays with me. It is getting to be months since Wife and I were intimate and if we aren’t talking about it in therapy, I’m not exactly confident that I will find a happy place on any of it any time soon.
Always Laughing ⋅ November 11, 2018
At least you got your car back...
Amaryllis ⋅ November 11, 2018
I guess I thought you'd stop expecting your wife to be intimate with you after the realization that she does not have romantic love for you? It's a tough, horrible situation "asking her to have sex with someone she does not romantically love and is not attracted to" does not seem like a solution? Ugh. Hugs.
Park Row Fallout Amaryllis ⋅ November 11, 2018
It is an impossible situation. She doesn"t even remember that therapy session (according to her) and the therapy session where I wanted to talk about it (yesterday) she wasn't in the right head space. So mostly... I want to know if I can get any romantic or sexual interaction in this marriage (because I refuse to simply not have that in my life) or if we need to make counseling about an exit strategy. But... postponed again. Since our next session is December 1, I want to have an answer before 2019
caramelchicken Park Row Fallout ⋅ November 12, 2018
I find it odd and somewhat convenient that she 'doesn't remember' that therapy session and wasn't in the right headspace yesterday. Isn't it a huge waste of money to go if you're not both committed to it?
caramelchicken ⋅ November 12, 2018
Have you thought about sleeping in different beds and rooms? Sounds really crappy being woken up all the time especially with all your health issues.
I also still think if you want romantic/sexual interaction, that's not something that can be cultivated after so long, when she's never really been interested.
Purple Dawn ⋅ November 13, 2018
I'm glad you've set yourself a date for getting an answer to your questions regarding your relationship. This has been horrible for you both for a very long time.