I'm Sorry But... in Service Dog

So, the other day I was kicked out of another restaurant. It’s really getting old. It’s all because I have a service dog and I try to go to places that are small, local, and ethnic. Apparently this is a problem, one that I’ve been warned about by most of my local community. Of course I’m likely to be kicked out of these places. Culturally they’re not likely to allow dogs.

So I vent about this on Facebook, the fact that it’s incredibly frustrating that the only places I get kicked out of are, well, places where culturally people have a problem being there, and there’s often a language barrier that prevents me from adequately explaining my legal rights. Yes, I know, saying I feel like I have to avoid little ethnic places sounds, well, racist, but the reality is I just can’t handle being kicked out of places with a service dog. It sends me into a massive anxiety attack and then I can’t handle being out at all. I just want to go home and never leave again. While having Nika with does help, there’s also the aggravation and the frustration that I wish I didn’t need her. I wish I could just leave her home and not have a service dog like a normal person, because for all the good she does me, I’ve got to be in constant fear any time I want to go into any of the local Mexican and Brazilian owned places that I’m going to be kicked out, because I’ve already been informed I’m going to be. I’ve been told by all the locals that the people of these backgrounds just won’t want me bringing in a dog, and I hate it because I don’t want it to be that way. I just want to be treated like a normal person, one without a service dog, because I wouldn’t have a problem visiting these places otherwise, obviously or I wouldn’t have attempted to shop or eat there in the first place!

And, of course, when I vent about this on Facebook it gets pointed out that I sound racist, and if she’s a real service dog, not just an ESA, she’s protected by the ADA and I should just sue. The problem is I’ve gone down the road of trying to get a lawsuit before. There needs to be some actionable cause. I need some kind of evidence that I’ve been kicked out of these places, otherwise no one is going to want to take my case. There’s too much chance I won’t win and they won’t get paid. It’s not like I can pay them to take my case in the first place, so the only way I’d be getting my case taken is if they agree to take from the winnings. It’s a frustrating spot to be in. Besides, if I mentally can’t handle the rejection and it puts me into an anxiety attack, then is it really worth the risk on my mental health? And is it really racist to say, “I’m not going to trample on what’s acceptable in their culture in order to get my legal right to access with a service dog.” I mean, I’m not saying I hate them or they’re bad people, just that it’s not worth having the clash of their culture versus my needs. It’s not worth causing them upset. It’s not worth potentially going after them with a lawsuit. It’s just not worth the fight. It’s easier on everyone to just avoid the issue and stick with places that have a better process for grievances, like big box stores and chains, the places where I can file with corporate if there’s any kind of problem, but more than likely already have a sign on the door saying service dogs are allowed. Yeah, the mom and pop shops suffer, but it’s not worth my mental health if I get kicked out of these places, especially with so many people in the community telling me to expect it and not to take it personally because it’s just their culture.

And I think I take it even more personally that someone is now saying I sound racist because of it. The thing that kills me is I don’t want it to be this way! I want the right to just go shop and go about my business wherever it takes me without having to worry that someone is going to take offense to a dog being there and kick me out because it’s not okay or acceptable to have a dog inside a store. Hell, I’ve already had to make choices about what sacrifices I’m willing to make in order to go to other friend’s houses because I’m not able to bring Nika with me. It means I think long and hard before I’m willing to put myself out there to go. Legally she’s an accommodation, but that doesn’t mean anything at someone’s house. It’s frustrating because in some cases, like J’s house, it is a cultural thing. She’s got no problem with me bringing Nika in the house, but her husband does. Her husband has a huge problems with animals being in the house because culturally for him animals are considered dirty and need to be outside. And I get it! Not every culture has the same view on animals! And that’s okay, but because of that, what am I supposed to do? Am I supposed to get sue happy and attempt to sue every restaurant or shop that denies me admission? Isn’t it easier just to avoid the issue all together, especially with what it does to my own mental health?

I just really hate that it’s come down to this. I hate the fact that someone who barely knows me insinuated that my service dog is not a real service dog. I mean, sure, racist, whatever, but to imply that my service dog may not be a real service dog? When she doesn’t even know me? Why does someone have to immediately jump to the conclusion that my service dog isn’t a real service dog? Why does it first have to be assumed that I’m a faker? I mean, hell, she’s never even met my dog and she’s only ever met me once for all of five minutes of conversation. How the hell does she presume to know me? And this is someone in the dance community that I’m now a part of?

This whole thing just really shut me down. I don’t want to be a part of the stupid dance community anymore of people are going to immediately jump to the conclusion that my service dog must be fake. I don’t want anything to do with this woman who makes such assumptions of me after hardly having any time around me. I mean, I hate to say it, especially because I work so hard not to use vulgar language, but what a bitch! Seriously? How can she presume to know me like that.

And, yes, I’m taking it very personally. And why shouldn’t I? I mean, I have to fight the constant battle of whether or not I’m going to be allowed access to local places. Thankfully I know a few places aren’t going to be a problem, but there are some that are. And it’s not like I asked to be disabled. It’s not like I said, “You know what would be fun? Having a dog go everywhere with me so that people can pass all kinds of judgment and use it as an excuse to harass me. That sounds like a great idea! Even better, let’s go places and see if they’re going to kick us out!” This is not my idea of fun. If I had my way I’d be able to leave the house without Nika whenever I wanted, and I wouldn’t have to calculate on a daily basis whether or not I would have to cancel class because I haven’t gotten permission to take her with yet. As much as I love Nika, if I had it my way we wouldn’t have pets at all. They cost a lot of money and require a lot of care and upkeep. But I wouldn’t give up the freedom Nika’s given me, the feeling of safety, or her ability to pull me out of an anxiety attack. I wouldn’t give up her ability to help me assess the difference between what’s real and what’s paranoia. I wouldn’t give up her ability to alert me when my anxiety is getting dangerously high so I have time to move myself to someplace safe and quiet, or to make the choice on focusing on getting home as quickly as possible so I can fall to pieces in the comfort of my own home. She does so much for me that I’d never give up, and I really do need her. It’s just, is there anything wrong with wishing I lived in an oblivious world where I could go do normal things without her, where I could go to counseling or the store without having her by my side. It would be nice to not be on the constant verge of meltdown whenever I choose to leave her home because it’s raining too hard to make me comfortable bringing her with, or because I’m going somewhere outside of my safe operating zone. I wish I didn’t have to be in a position where I needed her in order to make me better, but I do.

And I wish I still lived in a world where cultural differences wouldn’t matter. I wish I lived in a world where I wouldn’t have to try and assess whether or not I could go to a Mexican or Brazilian restaurant in my area without being kicked out because of my accommodation. I wish I didn’t have to hold my breath and pray every time I went into a little local shop because I don’t know if the owner’s culture will permit me to enter the store with my dog. I hate fearing that the language barrier will prevent me from accurately being able to communicate the law and my own rights. I wish I didn’t have to worry about this and Nika could be as invisible as though she wasn’t there at all.

I’m honestly heartbroken that my little vent on Facebook resulted in this. I’m defeated that I had to give up wanting tacos because I got kicked out of a Mexican restaurant because of Nika and was too afraid to try one of the other local places because I couldn’t handle being kicked out twice in one day. I just couldn’t do it. I’m just so over this. I’m thinking I’m going to delete the vent on Facebook and call it a day because I don’t need anyone else attacking me saying I sound racist (when I even openly feared that I might, so it’s not that I didn’t own how it might have sounded).

God, I wish Oz were home. He would make this better, even if it were just by distracting me. but it’s late. I need to get to bed or I’m going to be useless tomorrow. I’ve got too long of a day to let that happen....