Belonging in The First Life

Ive written a million different times.
All to be unfinished.
It’s hard to write something whole that encapsulates what I feel, and also has an end.
Time is going so fast.
Just a rush of colors and new smells.
I’ve never felt such a sense of belonging and satisfaction.
I’m not afraid, I’m not envious, I’m not in a hurry for anything.
I have felt lucky. Even when things seem as they may get tough, I have what I need to get through it all.

My home has been warm, my fridge is full, my dogs are happy, family safe, and I have a love I could not have ever believed.

I know comparisons should never be made. But comparisons were all I ever had with my last relationship. I felt defeated that the kind of passion and love I once had, I would never have again. I believed that that kind of thing didnt exist any more for me. That’s also why I never really let go of the past.
But I found a love that gives me a belly full of fluttering wings, a light heart, an easy chest.
I never feel bad about who I am. He supports my passions as much as he loves me. He never shorts me on time, and wants as much time together as I do. We plan, he’s always ready to join me in whatever I’m doing.
Things that never made sense and struggles that were never heard before aren’t a worry anymore.
Every time I told myself that if someone loved me they would listen. If someone loved me they wouldn’t react the way they did. If someone loved me they wouldn’t fight to see the worst and work to point it out. If someone loved me they would work with, and not against me. I was right. And finally, I proved it.
Because love is when someone understands that sometimes you aren’t at your best, and they love you. Love is excitement over family gatherings and holding hands no matter where you are. Love is being willing to share your emotions and feelings in a way that is constructive, and always looking at the good and working towards it. It is being gentle and kind. It is loyal and consistent and not a blazing fire, but a hearth. It is always feeling butterflies and being more fascinated by someone every day.

While I feel bad for letting go of everything behind me, I also feel the most hopeful I have been in so long.
Triggers I thought would never go away are fading constantly.

Sometimes you feel as though you’ve landed right where you belong.