It's been a long weekend.... I still can't believe how cold hearted people can be after Thursday night.
He sat there crying his eyes out in front of me. I sit there and wipe the tears away from his face, the snot away from his nose, held him, told him how much I care for him and then I get kicked to the curb like I am this horrible person... At least he got his closer and I got none…
I swear I don't know who hurt me worse right now... Being raped by Dennis or trusting this person only to find out everything was all lie. I sat there many times and poured my heart out to him only for him to use my feelings against me and rip me to shreds. It’s pretty much equal between the two. He knew how Dennis hurt me and he decided to hurt me even worse I feel... Like it was all just a game.
I'll be honest back in November when Dennis raped me I haven't been the same person... I've been distant towards everyone. I can't trust anyone. I am constantly freaking out about everything. Worried because Dennis was like a brother to me at one point and knowing that someone you know can hold you down and rape you while you look them in the face crying and begging them to stop and they just continue to do it and then talk shit about you after words. I have been so depressed because of him raping me that it has made me this bitter person who can't trust and it anyone ever wants me to trust them they have to show it because words mean nothing to me anymore.
It just hurts because I trusted this guy. He told me all the things I wanted to hear but then I find out it’s all a lie.... Like 3 weeks before he looked me in the face while we sat in his car and he told me how he isn't ready for a relationship but 3 weeks later he is already talking to someone else.
The funny thing is my coworker Matt took his girlfriend to a bar Friday night. Well come to find out Matt goes to the same bar he works at every Friday. I seen Matt’s Facebook status about being there and I texted him asking why he was up there and he explained to me he is up there every Friday night with another couple. I sort of told him about what happen with this guy because I know he isn't the type to spread rumors and I trust him. So I get this text around 2 am and he was telling me how he saw him and how him and this girl where making out at least twice in the parking lot that night.
So one night he can sit there crying to me about how hurt he is tell me “oh its nothing like that with that girl” and the next night make out with her in the parking lot. But Matt told me this girl is nothing compared to me. That she is just some plain Jane girl. Nothing special about her. And Matt said if he wants to be with some ugly chick let him. So makes me feel somewhat better. I know I am a good person. I do everything I can for my son, my family and my friends. I know I am better than her.
But Friday night while this was happening I was at this bar in Allen Park with some people. My ex’s band was playing and I was personally asked to go so I went. He did a good job singing. After they were done we talked for a few and he left. I ended up staying and my friend Jason drove me home.
Then Saturday I woke up early even though I didn't get to bed till 3 a.m. And I had a lot of homework to do... Well I get some text and I didn't recognize the #... (I had reset my phone earlier and didn't update my contacts) well turns out I was Chris... The old fuck buddy that used me for like 2 years. He usually text me every so often to try and talk. So we ended up taking our kids up to the mall and they played in the play thing and we talked. Then we took the kids to see the Lego movie. It was an awesome movie. I liked it a lot. It had a good story line. It was a good feel good movie... To be honest I really had wanted Ken to go with me and my son to the movie and awhile back I had planned to ask him if he wanted to go but going with Chris and his kids wasn't too bad. At least it got my mind off of stuff.
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