Touchdown in TheIntrovertedSocialButterfly’s non existent dating life
- Oct. 16, 2018, 12:46 p.m.
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- Public
I met a guy. He’s so sweet. We started talking almost two months ago. We matched on a dating app… (Just like most of the guys I talked to) but this one I actually met. We clicked immediately once we started talking/texting. He was cute. Big teddy bear. Was a college football player. We had a lot of commons interests. We clicked. It wasn’t like that intense thing that happens when you do this online dating stuff. You know, where you text each other non stop for like 2 weeks and then.... nothing. This was so different. We went slow. We chatted but didn’t make it sexual. We actually got to know eachother. When he first called me, it was like I was talking to someone I already knew. And when he asked to meet me, I didn’t even hesitate. When we did meet up, we didn’t want the night to end. We didn’t hook up. We just wanted to be around eachother. I couldn’t describe how it felt other than feeling at home. We just hung out… for 6 hours.
That was a month ago. We still talk every day. We met up again maybe 2 weeks after our first meeting. (We are both single parents and work different shifts so schedules are crazy). And I’m patiently waiting to see him again.
He’s in the process of a divorce, just like I am. So we agreed we are going to take things slow. We were both in really long marriages and haven’t dated for 15-20 years. So it’s all very scary.
But I’m starting to worry that if we take things too slow, he may get bored and move on. We still talk every day. Most days he calls me on his drive to or from work. And on days that he can’t call, we text. He makes me so happy. He has such a gentle soul.
But still, I’m so scared that this is all going to blow up.
I’m sure it’s all in my head. I’m not one to let people in. After being in the marriage that I was in, my walls are built really high. I don’t trust people. I don’t want to be hurt again. But I want to let him in. I want to bond with him and move forward. How do I do that without seeming pushy? Should I just keep doing what we are doing and let it ride? I find myself getting a little impatient. I want more. But if he needs to keep it slow, I want to do that… because I want him.
I have such a hard time expressing my feelings and I’m afraid if I bring it up I’ll seem dramatic or demanding.
How can I find that happy medium?
Domino ⋅ October 16, 2018
I saw this on the front page, please excuse me jumping in with advice.
Please allow yourself to be open to pain. You know what this is going to end in heartbreak... Hopefully in more than 50 years when one of you dies, but love is supposed to hurt, that's why it's so magical anything that feels amazing has the power to hurt us. Imagine you're doing a parachute jump or giving birth, yeah you may get pain but you'll get something amazing too.
I know this. I've had a marriage I refused to feel in because I didn't want pain... 11 years of numbness and walls, and then I let them down and had my heart broken twice. I can hands on heart tell you that crying for a week after one left and the year of anguish caused by another was so sweet pain after over a decade of being numb.
Also as an aside, when I started to feel, I got prettier, my hard face became beautiful again!
caramelchicken ⋅ October 16, 2018
Just keep communicating with him. He knows what you've been through and you know what he's going through. Just be honest with him and yourself, make sure he knows you'll respect his needs as he should respect yours, and enjoy the ride :) You don't have to jump straight into another serious relationship, but you can still have an open and meaningful connection with him. It may not work out long term but that doesn't necessarily mean you getting hurt. Two mature adults who are communicating properly will be able to work out if things aren't working without it having to be a big drama.