Night in Book Five: Working Through the Maze 2018
- Oct. 4, 2018, 11:56 p.m.
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- Public
Tonight’s “drunken” rant…
Wife looked at me today and said “The fat has eaten my husband. Your face is too round, your belly too big… I don’t even recognize you anymore. You have become much too fat.”
And she’s right… I am the heaviest (at present) that I have EVER been.
BUT that being said… it reminds me of a conversation we had in Omaha.
When I proposed… I considered Wife from birth to motherhood. And I liked it. So I proposed. BUT in the church that day in July, 2011… when I said “I do”… that vow, that promise, was not simply made to 2011 Wife. I contemplated as far as 2078 wife. 98 Years Old. Fat, Senile, Angry… and my vows were to her as well. Honestly. That isn’t a line. I considered “how bad can this go? Okay, I make my vows to her as well!” However, during a discussion we had during Law School… Wife was surprised I had considered any of that. She said “I do” to 2011 Chris and that was it. So… no wonder she’s borderline horrified at every “not as ideal as then” element of life.
In fact… the vows discussion metaphorically explains the whole marriage. I made a vow to every version of Wife in this time stream. 2011, 2021, 2053… all Wife Universe possibilities… I made a promise to. But the reverse never happened. That… explains a LOT.
Purple Dawn ⋅ October 05, 2018
I'm sorry, that must have hurt
Domino ⋅ October 05, 2018
I'm sorry you feel bad and it was hurtful of her, but may I play devil's advocate?
Leave aside her vows. Your fat puts the man she loves at risk of heart attack, diabetes, stroke and cancer. Perhaps her distance and lack of tact is shock tactics to spur you into health or maybe she's put up a wall to protect herself from the pain if the fat kills you.
I hope you feel more positive when you wake. Be healthy, for yourself if not your wife xxx
caramelchicken ⋅ October 05, 2018
Ouch :( I think given your other health issues and attempts to lose weight, if she's that unhappy with you, then why is she still with you? I kinda get being angry at your partner for "letting themselves go" as I know it's important to me that my partner at least tries their best to stay fit and healthy, as I do. But if she's not interested in sex or affection anyway I don't get how it's even a big deal to her?
stargazing ⋅ October 05, 2018
My dad used to tell me I was getting fat all the time (and that was when I was 10 lbs heavier than my ideal) and it always hurt. What is the poin? Do people really feel like we don't realize we've gained weight? Do they really think that by shaming us, that is going to help? Do they not realize that for many, the shame makes us more likely to eat? I read an article that discussed just how important mental and emotional health is when trying to lose weight. People who specialize in it talk about how they address the entire person, feelings and all, and see real progress. And then the person goes to their doctor who tells them they aren't losing enough..they are failing...and then they have to start all over again building up the persons emotional health. My husband and I have both gained weight. He has gained a lot, and it concerns me given his family history and the fact that he can barely walk around the block. But I would never say anything to put him down. Several years ago, he told me that the extra weight we both have is disgusting and I carry that with me today. I will never forget it. It's not a good feeling.
Nash ⋅ October 05, 2018
Was she affectionate and sexual with you when you were thinner? If not, the obesity narrative it's just a rock she found that she can throw at you.
Always Laughing ⋅ October 05, 2018
Wow that does explain a lot and I'm sorry that you had to hear that.
four leaf clover ⋅ October 05, 2018
When my husband and I got married I was the overweight one and he was the slim one. Now our rolls have reversed lol. I tell him I worry about his weight from a health standpoint because it's TRUE. I dont mind that he has more meat on his bones BUT his lifestyle is very unhealthy...
What was your response to her? Is that all she said? It's very harsh and rude of her.
Deleted user ⋅ October 07, 2018
There's a way to point out concern over weight gain without criticising a person into a corner. Like, nobody on this planet feels good or safe about weight gain. At least, in THIS American culture and society, we've been taught to view weight gain as shameful, even thought it's not. It's a part of life for some of us, and we can only do as much as we possibly can, or as much as we're willing, to do about it. If your wife is concerned about your health, it would be appropriate for her to discuss this with you in a supportive, compassionate light. But her comment was honestly cruel and upsetting. I would have been shattered by that, if it had been me. I'm so sorry, and I hope you were able to get it across to her that those types of comments aren't helpful nor acceptable, or if not, that you at least have had the time to feel better and relax in a different setting. BIG HUG
Also, I was always under the impression that marriage vows were declared with the intent to being open to the changes and challenges of living and navigating the choppy (sometimes chill), unpredictable waters of life together. I don't think it makes logical sense at all to assume that the person I marry couldn't possibly go through some less fun experiences and hardships as we grow older together. People change unexpectedly for all sorts of reasons, but it doesn't HAVE to be a crisis unless, you know, their behavior or dwindling health status is alarming or dangerous. Our experiences change us, and the older we get the more baggage we throw onto the luggage rack. But we all grew out of puberty and into adulthood, and now we get to experience the joys and pitfalls of adulthood. We'll never stop phasing/leveling-up on this planet... until we're dead, A.K.A the Next Great Adventure. And each decade of adulthood comes with more wisdom and experiences, some of which are bad and unfun, some of which are lovely and thrilling. I mean... I'm just saying that your perspective on marriage vows resonates with me, and I can't imagine it making sense any other way.
Deleted user ⋅ October 07, 2018
How heartless of a comment! Most people experience up and downs with weight, bodies change, get stretched out by babies, snap back, get wrinkly, etc. I think some people who are insecure about themselves will be cruel and pick on someone else's insecurities. Maybe a way to deflect or just take out their frustrations, either way it's wrong. And I'm sure if you were to say "yeah well your boobs are not as perky as they use to be and your ass has gotten flat" she would probably flip her shit like any woman would.