open your eyes and see in 2018

4:26pm

I really, really should be working on classes right now, but I just don’t have the mental focus to dedicate to it. I know I’ll just sit here re-reading the same line over and over again because I’m so distracted.

Turns out that I have 5/20hrs needed though and that’s two closer than I thought I was. I’ll consider it a win for today! I could probably challenge a couple of the tests but I don’t even have the desire for that right now. This procrastinator is much better under pressure and with like six weeks before my deadline I just can’t be bothered. hah. Wait until I come in here and complain about how I’m all overwhelmed and I waited too long…

Anyway, I did not go to bed early last night as planned. I got distracted clicking away on the entry and then stayed up until 1am without even realizing it. Of course that turned into horrible sleep where I just tossed and turned all night. I must have slept at least a couple hours and then was up again at 6:30 desperately trying to convince myself to just relax and go back to sleep. My mind started racing though and once that happens it’s hard to turn off again. I heard my alarm go off around 8:30 just as I was falling back to sleep so I hit it off and closed my eyes. Got about another hour of sleep and rolled out of bed closer to 10. Thank God I didn’t have anywhere to be today.

I had some coffee outside. Watching the guys next door painting the house. Started painting a little bird lawn ornament that badly needed a refresher. I had breakfast and sorted another bag of clothes from my drawers. I believe that’s the last one. Should only be paperwork and knick-knacks left. Now I’m here at the office supposedly working, but clearly not. =)

When I re-read my entry last night I remembered several things I wanted to mention but was too tired to edit and add them. I figured it would all come back to me once I read over it again today but of course none of it did. It seemed like really obvious notes last night. Maybe something to do with Lucas and/or the client. Oh well. Must not have been important.

I did, however, leave a note on that entry about wanting to mention neighbor things so let’s do that:
I finally met the new right side neighbors a few days ago [Sunday, I think?] while we were working on sprinkler projects. I met the guy in the morning when he’d let his tiny French bulldogs out in the front yard. Mom heard him, made a comment about a party [there had been a bunch of cars over the night before], and then said something about not having met me. I walked up to the fence but my hands were covered in mud so I told him it was nice to meet him but I wasn’t going to shake his hand. haha. Seems nice enough. I hate that giant ugly 49er football guy they have blown up on the lawn but whatever.

He seemed a little awkward around me, didn’t say much, and then excused himself inside when his son was calling out from the front door. We ended up deciding to rush to the store an hour away to grab needed supplies and then came back to work more. We got really lucky at the store and tried to work some when we got back but it was just too hot. Hunkered down inside for a while but when we went back out in the evening if was just too windy to test anything sprinkler related. The joys of living in California. hah.

Either way, the left side neighbor ended up seeing us out front and came over to chat. Well I think mom called her and told her the joke about how I said I hoped they’d leave me a bottle of wine to drown my sorrows in. I got all “embarrassed” and told her to stop telling them every thing I was saying. The neighbor said she was getting a big kick out of it and to her I was still that little girl running around outside. She also ended up out there talking to us the next morning but I’ll get back to all this.

After she left we continued working and at some point I saw the right side neighbors car pull up. When I heard footsteps behind me not long after I was not surprised. The girl and her two daughters were walking up to say hi. She said something like, “you are our neighbors right?” and I almost made a bad joke about only being the landscapers but figured it was too soon for my sense of humor. As far as I can tell they aren’t married but just living together. She has two girls that aren’t his. He has an older boy that’s not hers and only lives with them part time. And they have one little guy together who is super cute and during the introductions walked right up and gave mom a hug instead of a handshake. haha. The couple must be around my age. Couldn’t quite tell if they’re a little older or a little younger. I’m really bad at guessing ages and thought it was too soon to ask. I did, however, find out a bunch of little details by being my typical casual probing self. =)

The guy [H] and I talked the most. He’s easy going. Came here to take over the basketball program, works outside sales mostly from home. She works almost an hour away running accounting type stuff for the city and there kids still go to school in their old city. They’re originally from there but moved around a bit and then went back. Etc. Etc. Nothing too crazy …or juicy. =P They all hung around for a bit in our yard, checked out the courtyard, exchanged the typical if you ever need anythings, and went on their way. I saw H the next morning while working in the yard but we only exchanged hello. I wouldn’t mind hanging out and getting to know them better. He’s into cars and bbq so we’d probably get along great. He has some friends that drive nice trucks so I’m interested. hah.

So back to our left side: I learned so much over the couple of days I was out there working on sprinklers. The big truck is scheduled to come pick up their stuff on October 1st. =( That’ll really make things official. And she said that the new neighbours will probably start moving in like the 2nd week of October.

The mom is definitely moving in with them. She’s selling her house a few towns over and using that to help them make the down payment. Who knows what happens after that. That’s crazy though. She was talking about how hard it is when you’re just starting out but they’ve been married for like 15 years! They aren’t just starting out. I honestly can’t imagine letting my mom sell her house so that I can get one. It’s not like she’s old, or needs care, or anything. Not that it’s any of my business! There are just so many siblings and he’s the only one getting anything out of this. I wonder how that’s all working out amoungst them! Again, not my business. shrug

I also asked her if they were still going to paint. Mostly I was curious about the color. She said they were going to do the outside and some of the inside except the rooms since the kids will want to change them anyway. Not sure if it was coincidence but the very next day there was a guy in a painter’s outfit waiting for them to talk shop. Yesterday they started painting and continued today. This is also none of my business, and it’s cool that they want to leave it fresh for them [she said it was the least they could do] but they picked this light green that matches the neighbour across the street. Plus with the white main color it looks pretty dull. I would have stuck with the dark blue they had since no one else has that color.

Did I say something about how none of this was my business? ;) haha. But I’m the one that’s going to have to look out the window at it every day!

I thought it was a little weird that it seems like they haven’t done any paperwork for the house. I saw that night, or maybe the next, that TF’s sister posted a “coming soon” ad for their mom’s house, which clearly means it hasn’t even sold yet. It’s not even officially on the market yet and they’re already planning to move! I’m wondering if maybe they’re going to move in here and then try to sell once it’s empty. I don’t know where the brother currently lives but I assume they’re renting. She said they’d been by to measure for furniture. Just weird that she’s going to let them in without any paperwork in place. She must really trust them. I mean, he works for them so it’s not like he can run away without losing his job, but still! That’s a lucky draw he drew! I guess they don’t really care since they got the new place and this one would just sit empty anyway. Still nice!

So I guess they’ll be here soon. Should be fine. I hope!

I’ve been thinking about all this the last few days. At first it felt like a curse. Like I’d done something wrong and was being “punished” for it. I wrote about it. All the houses in this city. All the cities in this world and Tf’s family ends up right next door to me. That seemed like a cruel trick from the Universe.

But the more I think about it, the more I realize that this is another example of how every thing in life happens for a reason. I have this very strong feeling that if TF and I had gotten together back then this would not be happening right now. It’s not that I think I have that much control over things. It just really doesn’t feel like it would have worked out the same way if it had all gone differently for us.

Honestly, that makes me feel a lot better about it. 1) Of course it feels good to look at life in a positive light instead of a negative one. That releases so many bad feelings from my world. 2) If this is the way it was supposed to be, I am really ok with that! It seems good for their family. It seems like the right thing. This is a great space for kids to grow up. This block is probably in need of another new generation. It should be good all the way around and that makes me happy.

I’m not going to pretend that it’s never going to bother me to have TF’s family that close to my safe space. There will probably be more than one day where I break down into tears because I forget why it makes so much sense and I need a pity party. That’s just me, and my drama, and needing to feel something again. It’s ok. I’ll be fine. Eventually I’ll remember that it’s not all about me. [or I’ll find a way to come back here and read these words]

This is the right thing. This is the way it’s all supposed to work out. I have no idea where it’s going to go from here. Never in a million years could I have predicted that it was going to turn out this way! I mean imagine telling the me two years ago that had just started texting with tf that this would be happening now. Yikes! No way I’d ever believe you!! But it is what it is. It always has been. It always will be. God has a plan and the Universe always works out the way that it should, even if it takes me so dang long to see it!

rose.
10:07pm

Last updated September 14, 2018