well...a week has passed and abbie was released as time served. I told her she has to live somewhere else. seems there is no place for her. she stayed here again last night.
one thing that conflicts inside me so much, I AM her MOTHER, the one that is suppose to love and care for her no matter what. she has stolen pills and my medical pot many times, I've lost count. I can't afford for that to happen. I don't want her coming and going from here cause the kids get very confused. they did very well over the last week she was gone. they had a few melt downs but nothing too major. I would just hug them tight until they wanted me to let go. that seemed to get them through it all.
I look at her this am and she looks high. who knows where she got something. I am so thankful kylie is here this weekend. she does keep an eye on my safe while I am out of sight from it. I hate that I have to protect my meds in my own home. I hate that I have a daughter that steals. I hate that I have a daughter that has been in jail on a number of occasions. My heart hurts, and my head hurts from all this.
I bought a house so her children have a home. I was happy in my apartment. I am awakw every morning at 7am so I can take tucker to school...and morgan goes at noon to school. I have bought them beds, as they had none. I bought them all new toys over the last year/ year and a half.
don't get me wrong, I love these little guys. they just turned 4 (morgan) and 5(tucker). they have enriched my life. but I miss being able to be grandmother. I have to be a parent to them. i miss having time to grandparent my other 8 grandchildren because i am so tired just caring for these 2 that there is almost no energy left in me. i don't know ....such conflicts in my head and heart.
allow her to stay or not. i do not know...i want her to live somewhere else. i want peace of mind that my meds will be there when i need them. i don't use them everyday, so it took a awhile to figure out she was taking them. (she was only here a month).
as for me...my neurosurgeon wants my neurologist to do an emg on my feet and legs to find out how severe the neuropathy actually is on paper. my head is ok for now..neurosurgeon told me it's not going to be perfect, as i have had 2 surgeries on my neck/head/brain and i need to expect some of the trouble will never go away. ok...i got that. as for my lumbar spine, he says the disc above where the fusion was done is now wearing a lot and that could be some of my cause of pain. my feet are on fire and feels like razor blades cutting them all over, i have no feeling in most of my toes. well, n feeling other then pain.lol the only time i take anything narcotic is when i can no longer tolerate the pain.
ok..enough complaining! college daughter and i are going shopping for her birthday. shes gained weight in college and needs new clothes. poor girl, i know she will regret the gain and want to take it off soon and it's not going to be so easy cause she is studying a lot and not as active. she works for a consulate at the university. she is so happy in her schooling and work, i am so proud of her. she has watched all the trouble with abbie and never wants to be anything like it. kylie will do well in life...she works hard, is honest, is very smart. ok..off on our birthday adventure in shopping!
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