roundabout in 2018

9:27pm

Well, looks like my laptop is probably on its last leg. I guess it’s about time considering I got it in like 2011. Also I dropped it a couple months ago and snapped the back of one of the hinges so it’s been struggling to open/close since then. The edge had also cracked and with all the up/down it’s basically snapped the entire edge of the frame. I’m not sure if it’s possible to just break that piece off and keep going, or what? I better get out the hard drive and copy all the latest things. I know I’ve done at least a little bit of payroll since the last back-up and should probably not lose that. =\

I really don’t want to shop for a new computer. I’ve only tried a bit of the new windows stuff but I didn’t like it at all. Clearly I am no good at change! In any aspect of my life.

The neighbour had a good ol’ laugh about me today. See, the other day [maybe even yesterday morning?] I was staring out the window and a hummingbird was having a grand time at one of her flowers. Since I’ve been super dramatic about the whole thing, and we’d already been joking about the move, I called out loud to the little hummer to tell it to stop drinking from those flowers because she was just going to leave him and move away. hah. Something along those lines. And I guess my mother relayed this story to the neighbour this morning and she laughed so much. Then did that sad “aww poor Rose” thing. I told mom she better stop because they’re going to think I’m crazy. I hardly ever spoke to them. Just the occasional hi/bye/nice xmas lights kinda thing. They’re going to wonder what’s wrong with me. ha!

But it is sorta hilarious to be so dramatic about it all. I’m getting a good kick out of it at least. =P
Shoot, it’s not even about them leaving....part of it is about those that might be moving in.

Something must be going on with my hormones because I keep imagining this one moment between TF and I [O.M.G yes him again!…]: we were sitting in the bar near the end of the day. We’d been together like 5 hours at this point and were basically just killing time. He started to yawn and I started to make jokes. At some point he wrapped his arms around my left arm and leaned his head down to pretend to sleep on me. Of course that was one of my favorite moments because it had all of his affection right there on my shoulder and it felt like a really sweet moment. I don’t want to taint that memory at all. Like that entire day in general will always be sweet and innocent and wonderful in my mind.

Anyway, yeah, just missing the affection today and for some reason that moment keeps flashing through my mind at random intervals.

It’s not entirely a surprise that it’s hanging around my subconscious. When the client came over a couple weeks ago [did I write about this?] to celebrate our friendiversary [HAHA!] we were sitting out in the courtyard drinking wine and some how we came back around to us going out and how he kept yawning the whole time. He made a comment about how he knows everyone says not to yawn on “dates.” I told him that it really didn’t bother me, but I love to call people out on their stuff, and was going to give him a really hard time about it. I went on to tell him the story about another client of ours that went out on a date and fell asleep sitting across from the girl. It’s a semi-funny story and one that I also happened to tell TF that night at the bar when he was “sleeping.” I almost, almost told this part of the story to the client and stopped myself just in the knick of time. Probably not good to tell about telling the same story to another man while I was out with him. And holy moly do I make everyone want to fall asleep!?!?! Oh man I just saw that connection. ugh. I probably am the boring one…or men suck…sigh

sidenote: geez I’m realizing that I haven’t written much of anything regarding the client and I hanging out. We’ve gone out twice I think? He’s been by the office a bunch of times. He’s come to hang at my house a couple of times. Etc. I’d like to pretend I’ll go back and type some stuff up about it but who knows if that’ll happen. Weird I haven’t felt like documenting it all, huh? I’ve definitely felt myself pulling away from him lately. Not sure why, yet.

Well that was a really long, roundabout, way to say that it came up not that long ago, it was in my subconscious, and it’s back today because I’m some kind of lonely for affection.

Ugh. It’s just that every time I think about the neighbours moving out, I also think about the potential neighbours moving in. Also this time of year always freaken reminds me of him. Not that that’s different from every other day considering I probably haven’t gone a full day in two years without thinking about him at least once. It’s double this time of year. And all the holidays still have some memory attached to them because I haven’t made enough new ones.

Earlier I was thinking about Thanksgiving because my uncle might come to town and I was already planning a menu until I realized it’s like three months away. hehe. whoops? Then I was thinking about TF and about the Thanksgiving I got tipsy on whiskey and started flirting with him. I wanted to see him so bad and he was probably minutes away from coming over to my house but I avoided because all my family was here [and he scared me - in that makes me super nervous kinda way]. So I was thinking about that day and then about them hanging out here and thought, “nah these guys don’t seem like the hosting parties type. They’ll probably go somewhere else.” Then after a sigh of relief thinking that’s good my next thought was, “oh sh*t! isn’t their mom moving in too? How could they not gather and get-together at her house?!” blah!

We’ll see, right? I know I’m way overthinking this but I cannot help myself! Wouldn’t you?? Like think about it! The ex you’re still pining for’s family is moving in next door. Wouldn’t you overthink that a little bit? Yeah. I thought so.

Either way, if my uncle does show up hopefully that’ll be nice. They were not fun companions in Hawaii, unfortunately. I’ve always liked his wife but that trip made me kinda dislike her. It was just a bunch of stuff that bugged me so I really hope they won’t be like that here at the house. I love my uncle but I don’t deal well with BS anymore.

I am looking forward to the holidays this year. Last year was really rough because of my mental state so I want to enjoy them this time around. I’ll probably miss Halloween this year but not on purpose. Then Thanksgiving will just be a small family thing and that’s still cool to feed them and drink. I might be able to convince my uncle to help me decorate the house for Christmas before they leave. Our house was dark for the first time in forever last year and I want to get back to our “best house on the block” tradition. ;)

This is unintentionally really long. Perhaps I’ll get back on a decent writing kick if I find a better way to express myself. I do have so much more to say. About the client, about my ‘brother’, probably about TF, the holidays, the neighbours, still working through my room stuff, not drinking every day anymore and my thoughts on all of that. Hope I’ll get around to it soon!

rose.
10:47pm