Entry #3: By 18 in Journal #1: The Real Me

By 18 my parents will finally separate, it’s been confirmed.
I’m anticipating it. Actually I’m a bit disappointed that they can’t seperate now.
But moms correct, if she parted ways with dad now I’d still have to visit him, because he has rights.
I can’t believe I finally encouraged her to do this, it took a few quotes from the bible and some profound pretty words and finally.
And it’s such a weird interesting coincidence because I was just writing about how committed she was to this stupid relationship, and a few hours later she calls me up and talks about how she’s tired of my Father and boom I take advantage.

This is me sort of patting myself on the back. Good job, well done 10/10.
Perfect! Bravo!

I sort of wish roses could be thrown at me every time I gave a good performance like that haha.

I adore getting what I want. But the real reason I’m my own version of “overjoyed” is because I’ve manipulated and instigated so many situations just so I could become her favorite child.
And I am, I made sure to be there when she cried, to be the only person who listened to her, to isolate her from everyone else and make them seem like baggage.

Which more or less everybody was.

I do this out of my own version of devotion or love maybe.
I think it’s because when I was isolated and alone during my childhood, I’d come home from being bullied as normal and then get bullied to the extreme at home by my sister and Father.
They were bipolar, unstable people. Then they sort of mellowed out when I got older maybe because I became less defenseless.
But when I was younger I’d sit and wait around for mom to come to save me or whatever.

So of course, of course.

Last updated September 01, 2018