clean up confessions in 2018

8:16pm

Well, I’m still working on the draft entries. That folder has exploded in numbers and I should just post the random words that are written. It’s not like I’ll remember all the details to every note I leave in there. It’s funny, when I write the notes I feel like they mean so much and sometimes I go back and have no idea what they mean at all. haha. Oh well.

I made it home on Monday after the trip and that entry. The next morning I was completely stuffed up and not feeling that great. I spent Tuesday mostly relaxing on the couch watching TV, but also mixed it up with working on my room clean-up project. There’s some stuff that I don’t want but don’t know how to get rid of. haha. I hate putting things in the trash and filling up the landfills so I try to donate/give away as much as I can.

It must have actually been on Monday evening that I did another sort through my closet. Within about an hour [or the span of a Randy Houser cd haha!] I ended up collecting a big stack of shirts that no longer fit me and I never wear. I mean, if it doesn’t look right on me today it certainly isn’t going to look right on me in three weeks when I try to wear it. I’m not shrinking any time soon. It would be nice, but it’s not happening! Also, these are clothes that I’ve had for years and it’s really about time I update my style.

So all that stuff is in a box in the garage awaiting a trip to the donation center. I also took out all of my t-shirts and folded them up into a drawer in my dresser that used to contain junk. It makes more sense to keep them folded. They get all wrinkled when they’re squished in my closet. That and the donations created a lot of space in there. I took out a ton of hangers too. It’s still pretty full, but a lot less than it was. hah. It’s a small closet though! And I, for whatever reason, own a bunch of dresses and sweaters that don’t get worn often enough. Every year I think this’ll be the year it’s going to be super cold and I’ll wear a different sweater every day and then it’s too hot for them. Typical California! ugh

Maybe this year! Autumn is quickly approaching!! =D

Can you believe it though? Tomorrow’s the last day of August!! These months always fly by for me!

Update on the neighbour situation: I believe we’re also quickly approaching new neighbours on the left. I’ve seen them moving boxes out of the house and it’s making me sad. I remember she said something about mid-September for painting and I don’t think they’re going to be living there while they paint. Who knows though! I’m keeping the hope alive that they’ll stick around a while longer.

I saw Lucas yesterday and at some point we started talking about buying houses and I thought for sure he was going to mention his brother [aka my potential new neighbour] but he never did. I’m thinking he has no idea they’re planning to move in next door to us. At least two of his brothers know I live here, but I don’t think they talk about that sorta thing. Maybe not until they start moving in.
I was joking with mom today that I can’t wait to see how he reacts to seeing us the first time! I can only imagine the look on his face when he sees one of us here at home and takes a huge double take to try to figure out why we look so familiar and what we’re doing here. It’s going to be so funny!!

Not going to lie, I am kinda looking forward to that part of having that particular family move in. haha. And I’ve been thinking about it and I think TF has only ever seen me that one time outside of the office. That’s going to be so crazy! Like this is my space and I’m going to try really very hard to not let the fact that they may show up next door make me uncomfortable. I’ve always been so self-conscious and it’s difficult for me to completely be myself anywhere but here. I hope this won’t change anything. I cannot let it! Because this really is my safe space and I can totally do whatever I want. I can run around in my torn up clothes and baseball cap mowing the lawn. I can put on a super cute dress for random parties. I just don’t want to get all awkward and shy because there’s this potential to run into one of them. That’s definitely something I am going to have to stay aware of.

[sidenote: I was stuck at the office all day. First for a virtual meeting and then to take classes/tests. Anyway the client stopped by after work to drop off some brandy apricots and he mentioned something about my “street clothes” and then specifically about how he thought he saw a pair of jeans (I was already back behind the desk). I was wondering if maybe that was the 1st time he’d seen me in jeans/t-shirt but I feel like it’s not. IDK? Coincidentally he didn’t tell me I looked nice today haha!]

We’ll see how it goes. I’m all about the confessions tonight and I do kinda like the idea of seeing them outside of work, especially TF. I know there’s a part of me that wants him to see what I’m like on the “outside”. I’m certainly not the same kind of person at home as I am at work. I’ve always wanted him to know this side of me. But I also totally get that I shouldn’t really bother with things like that anymore. I just can’t help myself!! Everyone knows that! =P

When it’s quiet I start to wonder if perhaps this has been God’s plan all along. To put them close to me. To let him see the real me. Or just to let me somehow be a part of that family with officially being a part of them, know what I mean? I’ve always wanted a big family like that. All the brothers and sisters. The huge family get-togethers. The craziness with all the kids running around everywhere. I have always hoped for that. And especially now when my own tiny family has fallen apart [my brother is currently speaking to me but only b/c he needed my financial help and he still completely refuses to even acknowledge our mother…]

I don’t know. This is all probably just a bunch of crazy talk. But imagine the possibilities! I’ve gotten along so well with all of them that I’ve met. I could easily slip into their social gatherings. I’m pretty decent at making desserts! And I’m great at helping host parties at other people’s houses. haha. [because I’m shy and I’m no good at sitting still]. Also they make me laugh so much and I’ve always enjoyed hanging out with them in the office. Do you think I’ll get lucky enough to enjoy all that? sigh One can only dream…

I’ve totally been distracted by the TV and going back and forth with the client because we’re apparently living in different universes and can’t understand each other. [I hate that that reminds me of TF and the time we joked about being on different planets and he talked about building a rocket ship to get to me…ugh]. The point being that it’s late, I have no idea what else I wanted to say, and I’m going to bed.

rose.
11:13pm