Quick Meet in 2018

10:14pm

Time to type up a quick little thought ramble.

I’ve been avoiding writing for a while, probably for a lot of reasons. I really want to get things down about last week’s comedy show. There’s a draft started but I had a lot of distractions and was writing all the wrong things, so it’s just been sitting there. If work’s not too crazy tomorrow perhaps I’ll work on it then.

Plus all the trips I’ve taken [Hawaii, KC, WI and the big road trip, etc] I haven’t gotten anything down about any of them really and I think I’ll regret that some day. I guess I can still go back and give whatever highlights I remember. Better than nothing.

For some reason I was thinking about the Sheriff this morning. I think I just need a distraction like him right now because my thoughts are all wild again. And I thought about how I didn’t write anything about the last couple of times we spoke, especially the last phone convo at work, and I honestly don’t remember anything we talked about. That sucks. I like looking back on it when/if we reconnect. He’s probably got enough memory for the both of us though and can always remind me of whatever it was. It’s nice to look back on and laugh.

My thoughts have been all over the place lately. I don’t seem to be any good at this life thing. I’ve still got an unhealthy attachment to TF even though I definitely should not! Things with The Client are back and forth in my mind. I don’t want to hurt him, but I enjoy his company. There’s more to come on that later. I was running over all this stuff this morning. Thinking about how maybe I can finally start thinking less about TF and start to get my life back on track.

So anyway, I got together with the girls today. L was in town with the baby [who just turned 1 and we hadn’t met yet!] and we were able to make last minute plans to meet Y and her husband about a half hour away at a restaurant for dinner. It was nice that L texted us. I don’t keep in touch with her nearly as much as the other two girls so that was cool to hang out. It worked out great that she was still here today and Y could cut out early from work and we were all able to meet.

L picked me up from the office and we carpooled. Got there less than five minutes before Y and her husband so that was perfect. The baby is so damn cute. I’ve seen pictures but she’s even more fun in person. Super sweet and entertaining. haha.

I could definitely tell that it feels different with L around as opposed to just Y/R or K and her husband, and us. I don’t know why? I’ve been friends with L the longest but I guess she’s just living a different life now. It was nice and everything but I could feel the difference. Not as easy going. A little more forced maybe. I don’t know. Still plenty of laughs and decently good food. =) Plus the super cute baby!

We hung out for quite a while inside. Took a while to order, then ate, then hung out some more. We finally decided to start walking outside since the baby was getting restless. Spent some time out in front watching the baby walk around everywhere [I think she just started walking like a week ago!] and then finally left about 7:30. It was already past baby’s bedtime and we still had to drive home.

Y had parked towards the same area that we were heading so we started walking. As we approached her car we slowed down to stop and give hugs/say bye. I happened to look across the street and I saw this guy standing there talking on his cell phone. Hmm.... he looks familiar.... And then I started to “panic” thinking it was TF. No joke. He had about the same build, really close height, wearing a baseball cap, pacing up and down while he chatted on the phone. I kept staring at him while trying not to be too obvious and pay attention to what my friends were saying.

I could not tell if it was him or not! Like it looked like him. Super close! But maybe his face was different. I was contemplating what I should do. Say hi or not. What if it’s not him? Maybe it is? No, maybe it’s not. So much back and forth. I figured he’d recognize me if it was. All while I was trying to hug my friends good bye and continue on. But I really wanted to know if it was him. He looked over in our direction. Definitely saw me but didn’t react. I made direct eye contact at least once and he had no reaction. It must not be him. He looked so dang similar but his eyes were different. Like squinty and small. But he was across the street and kinda far away so maybe I got it wrong.

Honestly I have no idea if it was him or not. He really did look similar but looking straight at him gave me a lot of hesitation. It couldn’t be him. I didn’t recognize any of the nearby vehicles. He didn’t react to seeing me. His face didn’t seem the same. I don’t know. I guess if it was him I’ll definitely hear about it later on.

I got home thinking I’d find an email from him asking why the heck I didn’t say hi. haha. But nah. That wouldn’t happen. It couldn’t have been him. He wouldn’t be out in that town on a Tuesday night. … Although I guess I don’t know him at all right?

Very confusing. And it doesn’t matter at all but it was interesting the way that happened. I get a lot of reminders of him all the time but this was a strange coincidence. Right across the street from Y’s car, just randomly standing out on the sidewalk, a half hour away from our home? Nope. Just my imagination. Life doesn’t work like that!

It’s got to be my mind’s way of keeping me attached. I’ve done it over and over again for months. I know it’s self-sabotage. I know it’s my own doing. That’s all that makes sense. I see exactly what I want to see. Always.

rose.
11:03pm

Last updated August 01, 2018