I am, Watashi wa. Admit your flaws. in Other life events.
- Feb. 7, 2014, 10:41 a.m.
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- Public
I'm less than your average normal person, i've been knee deep in my conscience all day and feel like i'm drowning in my own emotions.
I am emotionally reactive and prone to react intensely to events with feelings that linger for some time. This can affect my ability to think clearly or cope with change and stress. I have a healthy sense of skepticism, and a strong resolve. I don’t shy away from making those tough decisions which can’t please everyone but still need to be made.
It make's me kind of abrasive to be fair, i know full well i'm not emotionally stable. My heads swirling again as i'm sat here at 2:30am trying to delve into what person i am while the rest of the world probably out getting drunk and having fun.
"How did it end up like this?" is a resounding question that echos through me after dark. I sit alone at my window in my room just puffing away on my cigarettes. I'm an unappreciative sod, that's for one. I hurt people a lot, i wish i didn't but i do. People shedding tears because of something i've said is a normal thing for me, I don't even know what i did wrong at the time and after a few hours i probably forgot why i argued with said person in the first place.
I keep blandly staring at the bottle of rum in my room thinking, is this what fun looks like? I think i may have a drink this weekend to try clear this mood up. I don't want these stupid thoughts in my head. I'm the type of guy who won't start a conversation no matter how bad i want too, infact i'm the type of guy who just straight up won't send people a candy crush saga request because i feel rude or awkward. That's the level my social anxiety has reached.
People who i've never met in real life, i seem to connect with them better than anyone else, but it just goes to show after meeting Kathryn that i'm not all i'm cracked up to be once you meet me, and that's the end of that. I really am boring, and i probably talk too much or too little at the wrong times.
Bugger. I wish i could write all the things going on in my head but it's just a list too long. I just want company because i'm lonely; and this is my only way of coping anymore.
foxen ⋅ February 07, 2014
I think there's a kind of openness and honesty unique to talking to people online, when there is that connection of friendship. It's kind of like not being face to face with someone, it loses some of the pressure of interacting - and also gives a bit more freedom to be yourself.
Personally, a lot of the time I prefer the medium of text to communicate rather than phone. You have time to think about what to say and how to say it. There's a backspace key if you change your mind about wording. :)
Having made several friends online, I don't consider any of them less "real" or meaningful than relationships made in person. Honestly, there's a kind of beauty in making friends with people you probably would never have met otherwise.