don't go crazy girl in 2018

4:51pm

It is so hot here. I am dying a slow death… I really should invest in a fan but I always figure it’ll get cold again the day I buy it and I’ll have no where to store it. That’s how I guess most of my luck goes these days anyway.

The weather app says it’s currently 98 and should cool all the way down to about 60 tonight. Plus the wind is blowing so at least when I open the windows in an hour or so there will be a breeze. Silver linings, right?

I’ve been working on this forever. Easily distracted. Not sure what I’m trying to say.

I logged into OKC for the first time in what must be months because there were a lot of pop ups about all the changes they’ve made. Once I got through all that I made it to their front page and immediately saw something like: “here are others who mentioned [TF’s name]”… I was shocked and my mind was trying to figure out what was going on. I thought I was going to see his ugly mug pop up on the screen but thankfully no. It’s just so random. I know for sure I’ve never searched for him on there. Can you even search by name? He seems like more of a tinder kinda guy anyway. It was weird. Like all the names in the world? It doesn’t even make sense to me. Just thought I’d mention it, I guess.

Yesterday I was texting with the client and he started doing that thing where his responses are short and/or repeated. I thought something must be up. Later in the night I sent a message and he was taking forever to respond and I started to feel myself getting all “crazy girl.” Like why are you not responding? Why aren’t you showing me any attention!!! Wah Wah.

It was so dumb and I’ve never had a moment like that with him but I think it has a lot to do with the fact that we’ve been talking a lot over the last little while. I was almost too lazy to go back and look how many days we’d talked [the new phones are annoying to scroll back through!] but I did anyway. It was since the 26th. I thought it had been longer than that, but guess not. In that time we spoke every single day basically from morning until night. Including while I was out of town, and while he was camping w/cousins and at a friend’s party. So yeah I got a little hooked on the constant conversation. He is nice to talk to. He even stopped by the office on Thursday to drop off Jurassic World so I can watch it before the new one, which he’s asked a couple times to watch with me.

Definitely nothing to get crazy over though! I am so glad I stopped myself from actually doing/saying anything because whoa girl that’s too much. We’re just friends and nothing more.
Recently I’d been thinking about that, like maybe I should give this a chance. Or maybe it’s a better idea than I thought. Or I’m overthinking things? Or overlooking something. Or I’m an idiot for not jumping at this chance.

Sure he doesn’t give me butterflies when he walks in the door, or make my entire body tingle from excitement, but he sure as hell doesn’t drive me crazy either! He’s kind and generous. He actually wants to talk and hang out, and all that good stuff. I can see how easy it would be for someone to settle for that.
I’ve gotta say that I’m glad I’m not in the business of settling though because there have been some recent reminders of why this won’t work. ie: a post he shared that sounded like a very trump anti-immigrant type thing. Not the first time either. I don’t do all the politics stuff but it’s something we could never even joke about [unlike the Sheriff who is super redneck republican but I can make fun of him and that’s ok!]

Also, I’m pretty damn sure he’s got a girlfriend and that’s not cool. I mean, it’s cool for him but he says things that I don’t think should be said to another girl if you’re taken. I think it must be a long distance thing? I haven’t gone so far as to poke around her fb page because that’s too much but that’s how it seems. Especially this sudden disappearance on the weekends. While I was looking back I noticed that before the 26th the last day we’d talked was the 21st. A Thursday two weeks ago. As in, he disappears every other weekend. Hmm....very suspicious. Going from all day back and forth to nothing over the weekend. I didn’t go far enough back to see when it was before then. You know, to actually establish a pattern, but it seems suspicious enough on its own.

I don’t necessarily think he’s hiding her from me. I kinda think, if anything, he’s hiding me from her. Obviously he can’t be texting me all the time when she’s around. It’ll come out eventually. We’ve been talking so much more, and I’ve been feeling more comfortable with hanging out, so at some point we’re going to follow through on one of these “let’s go to the movies/play video games/eat/etc”. Or several of them. And it’ll come out. Whatever the secret may be.

He’s lucky I’m so easy going. Once I feel like I can super sarcastically joke with him then I’ll for sure give him a hard time about whatever is going on. We’re not quite there yet though. Like when he said that whole “I like talking to you” thing the other day I really wanted to respond with something along the lines of, “I know I’m crazy but don’t get too attached.” haha. Or some other equally witty/sarcastic type remark. I stopped myself only because I thought it would be too flirty.

I wanted to text him random things today. Partly because it was stuff that we usually joke/talk about, but maybe also because knowing what I know I’m pretty sure something is going on. I stopped myself because it seemed super petty though. It’s not my place to get involved. It’s not my situation at all. I’ve never considered doing it before and the ulterior motive feels too strong. My karma points seem a little low these days so I’d rather not risk it. =\

I’m gonna let it go and continue on with life. I don’t need to have this crazy attachment to him anyway. Yes it’s nice to have him around. So nice! I’m not sure where my mental state would be right now if he hadn’t popped up in my life when he did. It’s been probably close to a year and he’s been such a wonderful constant. A reminder that not every one is a jerk and there are guys out there that are willing to just be my friend. I’m so grateful to have him around, even if he’s gonna disappear every other weekend. =P

rose.
10:51pm

Last updated July 08, 2018