Yesterday my horoscope told me that I should do something spontaneous.
So when Ricky R. and I were texting at the end of the workday, I told him to call me on my drive home so I could hear his accent. He did and it was lovely and we got to talking about our plans for the evening (him: go somewhere to get something to eat; me: eat leftover cucumber salad and walk the dog), and we ended up deciding to meet at my park while I walked the dog!
I was kind of thrilled to think about a last-minute decision, so I put on a cute sundress and floofed up the dog and we went walking towards the park. Ricky was there waiting for us at a park table when we got there, and Martini instantly took a shine to him, jumping right into his lap and I loved that. But there was a New Orleans-style jazz band playing loudly and it was hard to hear.
We went for a walk around the park and we talked about all of the great museums that are close by and all of the fun things to do around my neighborhood and he got excited about all of the cool things, but our chemistry felt really casual and I was surprised that I just wasn’t 100% feeling it.
We then went back to the restaurant to get a quick drink and that’s where we went just kind of…off? I don’t know. We talked about all kinds of things, but we didn’t seem like we were in the groove like we had been on dates 1 and 2. It’s weird to think that date 3 is where Paul (remember him?) and I soft of fell off and he disappeared shortly after that.
One of the biggest examples was when I was talking about the agenda I’ve made for my upcoming trip and how it is such a tight schedule that it would probably make having another person along for the ride kind of annoying - like, I gave him a scenario as if he were traveling with me and how he probably wouldn’t like this type of trip but that he and I would be better suited for a more relaxed type of vacation together. He paused for a little while and then went so far as to say something about looking into flights and train tickets for himself…and I was like, “No! This is a solo trip!”
I don’t know if I explained/worded that in an understandable way, but the bottom line is, I’m thinking I might have gotten VERY set in my ways over the last few years. And I’ve planned a solo trip and it will remain a solo trip. Any new person who comes into my life will have to be adjusted to - and I can certainly do that. But it was weird to think about how hard it might be adjusting to having someone in my life - the thing that I have wanted for so long!!
Okay. I need to not obsess about this. We have a date for Saturday. We decided to go to the museum and then to dinner and I should be excited about that, but I’m not walking around in fantasyland today. That makes me a little sad.
We ended the evening with a super casual hug and a cheek kiss. He went to his car and I walked the dog home. It felt disappointing.
So much for being spontaneous last night.
xox,
GS
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