The motions in A New Chapter

Things have been ok lately.
Which is good..but it’s also bad I guess? I wish they could be a little bit more fun.
As I have been talking fro a million years, I currently feel kind of trapped.
Right now the World Cup coverage is going on at work which means I have mostly been working normal people hours. It has been nice to get actual decent sleep and get nights off. However, maybe its too early to tell, I guess I just feel the same. I don’t have much going on. My relationship, I wouldn’t say its bad but its also not moving forward. Beyond our intimacy issues of the past,there always seems to be something of..not always related to our relationship. Outside factors that crash in such as work, responsibilities, family, etc.

One of the most interesting things I have going on is that I am selling off a big ass chunk of my collection. I always held on to my childhood toys and when I moved to FL back in the mid 2000’s..I didn’t really have friends or anything going on. I got back into collecting as a hobby and I have been at it since. I guess like so many people, I was just filling a void with financial stuff. Back then the economy was different and I could make a lot of money easily. I remember doing translating assignments for companies for $900 that would only take me a few minutes. This allowed me to spend way too much money or whatever I wanted.

The good thing is that nerdy stuff, for the most part, accumulates value over time. Over the years the collection got kinda big..to the point that at some point I ended up on the newspaper. My interests have changed over the years and I am not into everything I once collected. I have started going over it and deciding on what I want to collect and what I don’t want. It’s always kinda cool to see how much something you have had has gone up on value(also freeing up space is cool.)

I used to buy a lot of collections, I still do sometimes. Now I just pick the few items I like and get rid of the rest.

Anyhow, I still have the same feeling as I have for the last few months.
I guess I am OK with my life at the moment but I need it to pick up.
There are big decisions I have to make and I guess I have just been a coward about most of them.
1. Will I be able to find a new job that is more challenging and exciting to me? at my current job, positions would open up quickly and people moved up. Unfortunately, people barely move up now so there is rarely any mobility.
2. Will I sell the house and move elsewhere or rent it? I think I have hit a dead end with Florida. The market is limited and Tampa as a city is just not that interesting. It has changed and improved but not enough. I guess I am spoiled having lived in big metropolitan areas in the past. This year I have been making a lot of changes and fixes to the house, including a new paint job and a new water heater. I am interested in moving elsewhere..I would say this option is still on the table.
3. Will I go back to college? have made no progress with this at all so lets just skip it before I get sad.
4. Will my relationship grow? this is probably the biggest one. I am not really sure what will happen. We are both getting older and we’re feeling those pressures starting to sink in: marriage, children, etc. I would like for things to work but I am not always sure. In the past, I felt like I had been the rock in this relationship. She had problems when I first met her but I didn’t mind them. However, it felt like when I had problems of my own..some things started to fail. I am not really sure about this one.

I don’t really feel depressed or anything..anxious, yes, def. sometimes. I feel like I lack vision right now. I am struggling to find a path of my own and grow as a person. I guess we will see..but I can’t see this going on much longer. I think some of these things will change by the end of the year..whether I have to be dragged kicking and screaming into them.

I should probably write here more often. Feels good to get all of that off my chest.