makes sense in 2018

3:44pm

So I’m currently sitting outside in the back enjoying the movement of our swing because it is about a hundred degrees. It’s not terrible inside but at least there’s wind out here. Much easier than fanning myself on the couch. It’s too hot to bother to do much more than sit anyway.

Oh! I just had the idea that I can make tea! I should do that before the sun goes down any further. Brb. Lol.

Alright raspberry tea is in the sun brewing away. Shouldn’t take long =D
I might move to the other side of the house though. My face is burning up. Hmm 🤔 how lazy am I?

Let me go ahead and tell you why I’m here. I’m not a big fan of clicking away on this phone but it’s too hot for a laptop on top of me. So here it goes:
Today is the client’s birthday. We’d talked about this being his birthday weekend but I wasn’t sure on the day. After I woke up this morning I poked on fb to verify and sure enough today was it. I sent him a text instead of a fb post since that’s what he did for mine.

He’s been relatively quiet lately. Waiting about a week to contact me instead of a couple days. Not responding to texts at the end of the night and not saying good night like he always did before. I didn’t really suspect anything. I do the same stuff [but I also don’t set the precedent early on that I’ll be any different]. It’s not a big deal. It was just noticeable to me.

And now I know why!!! I got on fb before I came out here and on my newsfeed popped up that people were wishing him a happy birthday. The one post that comes up on the gossip list? “Happy birthday to a wonderful boyfriend (insert all birthday related emojis).” Well that’s interesting.. I’ve been told nothing about a girlfriend or even hints about trying to date someone. I mean obviously the kid owes me nothing but I thought we were pretty decent friends? I guess it’s a different kind of friendship. Or maybe he feels weird telling me?

We’re still texting pretty normally besides the little things I mentioned above which don’t change much. He’s still reaching out to me and joking around. Probably why I didn’t suspect anything.

Oh well. It’s totally cool! She has a profile picture of the two of them and they look pretty cute together! She looks younger but I’m not sure how old she really is. I think it’s all fairly new because I didn’t see much else. Or it’s all private although if she tags him I should be able to see. Not that I’m going to go around stalking them. Haha!

Let’s start a countdown! Bets on how many days it takes before he mentions it to me? Because I’m not going to say a damn thing. All I could think of were snarky remarks/jokes anyway. 😉

I did, however, have to break the terribly sad news to my mother that she will have to stop her delusional fantasies about the client and I getting together. And she will also have to stop telling everyone, “there is a very nice boy hanging around, but I don’t know what’s up with her…” Oh no! Gasp The horror! 😏

Of course she did get one last “he kept trying and you didn’t want him” in after I told her. I tried to explain that he has not in fact kept trying [mostly because I made it clear at the beginning I wasn’t interested in more] but she refused to accept that. She said he was trying and I told her she has no idea what happens between guys and I while laughing and that was that. Yes, I could have had him if I wanted, but I didn’t so no damage done. All’s well that ends well!

In terms of that other dude: still no response. I didn’t think he’d totally ignore me but I have no real idea about what is going on. If it were the Sheriff I might have guessed that he was waiting for a moment where he could call me instead of emailing, but TF was never like that before. Seems I falsely assumed that he would be willing to be in contact again because I thought we were on good terms. I’ve seen him, what? like 3 or 4 times this year and it’s gone well. We’re getting along [and mostly acting like nothing happened] and joking. It’s been totally fine so IDK.

I’ll admit I had an ugly cry about it before bed last night. I couldn’t help it. Plus it was fueled by the fact that I clearly need to slow down on my drinking. Yesterday I went to work, came home and had two beers, then went to church. [not immediately after haha!] Went to hang with some friends to eat pozole even though it was in the 90s. Had four more beers. Came home and had two more drinks with vodka and a shot before bed of this amazing tasting agavero. Yeah. This cannot become my daily routine. And it’s so easy to drink a lot when you’re home all day and start at like 2pm. I’ve been better about it today though. Only had one beer earlier with my homemade nachos and I’ve made sure to have at least my required amount of daily water.

Anyway, I cried, and it wasn’t pretty, and I went to bed. Gotta get it out of your system right? I don’t know. I’ve probably definitely put the dude up on a pedestal and I’ve forgotten what it was really like. I can only remember the glorious fantasy. Hah. That’s never good. But this is the way life goes isn’t it? Never really giving me what I think I want.

Always giving me what I need though! 😊

rose.
10:50pm
[got distracted with way too many things and forgot to finish posting haha]