Cancer, My Grandmother and The Hospital in On The Topic Of nothing:

My grandmother was never the kind of person to go to the doctor even if something was wrong. She once wondered about my mom and dad’s house with a burst appendix for a week. the smell of infection was taking her over when we finally talked her into going to the doctor.

Two years ago she got diagnosed with colon cancer. She was on deaths doorstep when she finally went and got checked out. At the time she had a tumor the size of a grapefruit pressing against her colon. She got the mass removed and that was the end of that, until now.

A few months ago we talked her into going back to the doctor after losing about 60 pounds in 3 months. She wasn’t that big of a woman to begin with, but she was absolutely tiny at this point. She went and had some test run. Cancer had come back but this time, it had spread to other parts of her body. the bottom of her stomach was now a tumor, her liver had tumors, her intestines had tumors. The doctors gave her two options chemo or hospice.

Tuesday she had volunteered to go to the cancer center. She told my mom and dad she felt like she was dying. They admitted her to the hospital under the assumption there was a blockage in her intestines. She was super dehydrated and couldn’t move when my mother took her in. I drove to the hospital after work and checked on her. While she lied there she sorta looked off into nothing and said: “I guess I’m going to have to do this until I die…” not really talking to anyone, more of an out loud thought. That sentence has really stuck with me. I couldn’t stay long because I had to go take care of her dogs, back home.

Yesterday they didn’t seem to think she had a blockage because things were sorta moving again. She seemed on the up and up even though she wasn’t out of the woods just yet. I took dad home and took care of him and mom spent the night with my grandmother.

A few minutes ago I talked to my mom on the phone and she told me “she has a blockage, but they’re sending her home with a liquid diet, and she needs to come back on the 6th.” I tried asking a few questions but she didn’t say much. I wasn’t sure if it was because someone else was in the room or if it was just something she was going to have a hard time talking about. Her tone just struck me as odd and hopeless. she’s to be released today at some point if not already. I guess I’m going to play the waiting game for a few more hours right now, and see how things turn out.