vanity aside in 2018

4:11pm

Well let’s see what random topics I can come up with today. I need to get back into the habit of writing but I’m not in front of a computer all the time like I was at the beginning of the year. I get on the laptop every now and again but don’t always have the motivation to write at home. Currently I’m sitting at the office so that makes it easier to get started.

I’m really hoping this client will wrap up soon. Supposedly it was already done before she got here but everyone always remembers something at the last minute. We have 45 minutes to make it to church which may or may not happen at this rate. Also I’m starving and kinda bored.

Remember I mentioned my back hurting? Well that’s mostly gone but last night I kept getting this weird pain in a certain spot. I figured I had some acne since I’ve had a big breakout all over my skin with the sunburn. Perhaps that’s why it says to stay out of the sun? ha. =| Well I finally felt around this morning and thought that it didn’t seem right. After I got up I checked in the mirror and I have this huge spread of like acne combined with a rash? I don’t even know what the hell it is but it’s swollen and ugly, and not like anything I’ve seen before. Any time that patch of skin moves it hurts. I’ve dealt with skin issues for years and this is so weird! Learned my lesson though! I’m for sure going to skip the vanity and desire for a beautiful tan and be more careful in the sun.

Also I was an idiot and started bragging to everyone that I was more Mexican because I turned brown and they all turned bright red. Then a day before I came home I started peeling, and breaking out, and now this crazy rash. All I’m hoping now is that I’ll go back to my normal ghostly white skin and not be scarred for life. And learn to keep my mouth shut! We’ll see.

[update: showed the doc - she said it is a reaction to the sun. clogged pores and a rash type thing. She had a name for it but I don’t remember. Good news it’ll heal and go away. I’ve been using aloe vera today and it’s looking better already. Still 6 different shades of white/tan with the peeling though. haha]

Other than the current skin issues I’ve been alright health-wise. I timed the steroid usage perfectly and started feeling slight stiffness/swelling like the last day I was there. I was able to walk 10,000+ steps every day and be totally fine at the end of it. I am so, so thankful! It would have been a completely different experience if I were in the pain I was in before I left. Thank God every thing worked out the way I needed it to. It was such a pleasurable experience. I’m definitely not waiting 15+ years to go back. I was so different there. Relaxed, calm, stress free. Nothing in the world could bother me. Not the traffic, or my silly relatives who are not good travel companions, or the bus breaking down, or any thing! I was living the zen life and I need to either figure out how to find that here, or move.

In other news: I had this $10 credit at etsy that was about to expire so I ended up shopping around on Wednesday. After opening and closing like a billion tabs I found a shop with a lot of cute stuff. I ordered a locket that’s on a keychain, which is such a fantastic idea because I love lockets but also love changing out my necklaces. Such a great concept to have it on a keychain! Super cute designs. A little more expensive than I would have loved. But I’m cheap. haha.

Also, I bought this small silver necklace of the north star. I’ve been looking for something really dainty and cute so it works well. I wasn’t sure how it would turn out but I got the package today and it’s nice. I might actually switch the necklace out for something smaller but still. It’s cute. I was originally looking for an anklet with the star but couldn’t find one.

Obviously the north star has significant tie-ins to the whole TF situation. I’ve written about it before. It’ll always remind me of him and that’s ok. But honestly I started looking into it during research for a tattoo and I love the way it connects so perfectly to the idea of stability, and religion/Mary, and following your path. It’s like the perfect definition of all of the things that I love in life. So I’m stealing it and keeping it as my own personal symbol. I don’t think TF will mind. I doubt he even remembers joking about it with me. And I’ve been staring at the big/little dipper for years now when I come home to a clear night sky. It’s what I always missed about living in the city.

I don’t really know what I’m saying any more, or where I had planned to go with this, because it’s late now and I’m too tired to think. I didn’t want to leave this half done though. This is probably enough. Other thoughts will come later.

rose.
10:53pm