I hate that everything is so difficult right now. I have to fight for every damn thing. I have to struggle to feel fine, feel normal, feel even just a minute amount of self-love and each step of the way battling the voices of everyone around me.
Seriously. I’m not even over-exaggerating this a little bit.
I agreed to do the Sierra College Charity Drag Show and I regret it. First off, I don’t really get drag. I have never been a fan of it. I don’t completely despise it as much as I used to, I just don’t really think it’s impressive. Yes, I’ve done drag before, but the truth is, it reminded me of another experience I had: it reminded me of when I would dress up as a clown. And the truth is, I think that we as gay men deserve better than being thought of as sexless entertainment. My mother is coming to the drag show with a bunch of people apparently, and I’m not looking forward to it. At all.
I got into a huge fight with my little brothers and realized the gap that exists between us. My little brother was wearing a t-shirt that said “There are 2 genders: change my mind” and I just lost it. I was trying to reason with him or understand where he was coming from, but it was just frustrating because he’s one of those people who thinks that his opinion is a fact. I just pointed out that his shirt was wrong because science has proven that there are, in fact, more than 2 genders, and he just replied, “Well, that’s your opinion.” Ummm, what?
Then my other little brother agreed with him and then when they started to explain what their source of their beliefs were, they began a line of argument that meant that they believe both gays and trans folk are mentally ill. And I just lost it. I went to the laundry room and just sat and cried for like two hours.
Then I went to see my general practitioner for a general physical and I asked him about PrEP. Boy, was that a mistake. He told me that there was no such thing as PrEP, and when I insisted that I had heard of it, he then launched into a speech that left me stunned. He told me there was no logical point to even making such a product because that would mean there is patient demand to go out and fuck AIDS-riddled prostitutes.
Why the fuck am I surrounded by careless bigots at every turn?
When I get back to work tomorrow, I’m putting in a hardship transfer and getting the fuck back to Los Angeles.