chopsticks. in Swallowed All The Blow

Ugh, I'm so heartbroken today. It's awful. I've been dealing with this situation for months now and it just isn't getting any better. Initially I felt like I won. I left him. I ended things. He lost me. But now all there is left for me to do is watch from the sidelines as his relationship thrives now that I'm not an issue anymore. It's absolutely miserable. And now I'm irrationally jealous of his fucked up relationship because in the end, no matter how much they fight, SHE gets to wake up next to him every morning, SHE gets to go about her day knowing he'll be there when she gets home. She gets to eat meals with him, watch movies with him, and I get to read his facebook posts about how there aren't any forks in her apartment. Just chopsticks. And the way little things like that can bring me to my knees is just pathetic and sad and SO not me. I don't know how I got to this or how the tables turned. I thought I was doing the right thing. But now I'm alone, I haven't had sex in like 2 months, and my apartment feels like the wrecking grounds of my failed "relationship." I have no desire or purpose to clean my place, make my bed, pick up clothes off the ground, or make myself look presentable. I'm a wreck. I don't do this kind of thing. I don't let boys make me miserable. I don't know what's happened to me and what makes him so goddamn special?