Inertia in Musings

“An object at rest stays at rest and an object in motion stays in motion....” That basic law of nature certainly applies to me. If I don’t make a conscious effort to keep moving and stay motivated, the weight of depression holds me down like a 2 ton weight on my chest. In my head, more precisely. The gears start to spin until I’m axle deep in the mud. If I’m active and out of my head, I’m generally pretty good- productive and in better spirits. The more I sit, the less motivated I get- the less motivated I get, the more susceptible I am to the depression settling in. I know all of this, yet still often times can’t muster the energy to JUST. START. MOVING. Something-anything. And then all the swirl takes center stage, and all the self-defeating negative thoughts creep in, and then my day is shot-(or weekend, or week, or month, or year, or life.) I spend so much time battling myself that I have little energy to accomplish anything else. The decision to start my day isn’t an automatic one like it is for most people- I have to make a concerted effort to roll out of bed and face the day. Every new day is a challenge for me. It’s been that way since I was a teenager. Chronic depression is a parasite. It feeds on me- some days less and some days more- but it is constantly feeding. At least when I’m moving and active, I don’t notice it as much. I just have to keep MOVING....

Last updated April 22, 2018