Mountains in The First Life

A couple days forgetting to keep myself in check.
An old foe rears it’s head.
Hair of fire and eyes of fear.
In its presence my heart is running.
Leaping over beats, forcing skipped breaths, combating sleep.
I’m sick and dizzy and my mind is filled of all of the worst things.

I feel the words kicking at my teeth.
Keeping it down makes me ill.
I have to be careful.
I can’t be this person, I don’t want to be this person.
I hate who I am when I’m paranoid and insecure.
Every little moment adding up to mountains of proof and anxiety.
All capped in ice and holding me terrified and still.

I want more than anything to just release.
It’s a losing situation on both ends.