More Back-Stabbing in Inside My Head

More Back-Stabbing 5/9/2008

On April 18-19 I slept with Diya. It certainly wasn't planned. To tell you the truth, nothing about this relationship has been planned. We were fooling around on his bed and he started to take off my pants. I tried to keep them on and asked him more than once to stop. He kept trying to take them off and said "Don't worry you can keep your underwear on." I should've fucking made him stop but after me telling him 2-3 times to stop, and he didn't listen, so I just sort of stopped bothering. I stopped him at one point and asked him why he was pushing for me to sleep with him so fast. So he says, "Am I?" Um, yes. I mean, seriously, we've been hanging out for a week and a half.

So I was hoping to go down on him and make him go to sleep. Didn't work. He's like the energizer bunny, that guy. So now he asks, "Can I kiss it?" How the fuck am I supposed to answer that kind of a question? So I said nothing and he repeats it. When I ask him again why he's pushing so fast after only two weeks, he says, "Usually I get to kiss the promise land by two weeks." Hm. Romantic...He didn't get to go down on me, because I was really weirded out by that. Mike always hated it so I haven't done it in more than three years. He was on top of me but my underwear was still on. I really thought he wouldn't try to sleep with me since I repeatedly asked him not to and I was obviously uncomfortable with the situation. All of a sudden he pulls my underwear to the side and entered me. I was fucking shocked and had no idea what to do. He wasn't even wearing a condom. I laid still and tried not to move. I had no idea what to do. Towards the end I started shaking (not in the good way) and basically pushed him out and off of me. He ended up coming everywhere all over me and the bed. Diya was thoroughly confused. He asked me if I was OK. As he was cleaning up, which I extremely mortified over, he asks, "You didn't want it, did you?" Gee, what gave you that idea..? Dick. When a woman says no, it's a clue that she doesn't want something. So he says "Well, I don't want to if you don't want it." Little late for that, no? He kept asking me, "Are you OK, honey?" All I replied was, "It's fine, don't worry about it." I mean, what else was I supposed to do? Or say??

We ended up having sex again later that night. And once again in the morning before I left. I honestly felt sick every time afterwards. If I had a spine I would've told him to knock it the fuck off...or I just would've left. The worse part is that he didn't even call me until two days later. I never had a one night stand before. I just feel sick.