mysterious laughter in 2018

12:54pm

I am having such a hard time writing up this entry. I don’t know why. Like I’m happy about it, and it was good, and maybe that’s why I can’t type. It’s always the best moments that I have the hardest time articulating. The best vacations and life happenings. I always procrastinate on them forever and then never write it out.

It’s funny because, at the time, I thought the stuff with Tf was some of the best stuff and yet I would be in here in minutes to pour it all out. I thought it was because of excitement but maybe I was reading it all wrong. Who knows. Doesn’t matter anymore anyway. Just an interesting comparison.

So I left a lot of bullets in here last night and I’m going to try my best to get this wrapped up. I’m alone in the office right now and that’s good typing time. Typing is always so loud on these keyboards. Totally gives away that I’m not really working. haha ;)

Originally I was bummed that the Sheriff probably would not be coming into town this year. I didn’t think we were going to work together at all. But he started sending me stuff and we’ve talked and I kinda like this long distance thing because I get to talk to him more than once! Don’t get me wrong, I definitely enjoy sitting down with him. The last couple of years have been great. Talking in person, joking, and spending an hour or two across from each other. But then it’s done and he’s gone and I’m trying to find whatever stupid excuse I can to talk to him one more time before he leaves town. I guess in the past I’ve always wanted to talk to him so that he’ll get his sh*t together and hang out with me before he heads home again. Hasn’t happened yet though. Which is totally ok! Everything happens for a reason. And I’m done trying to force him to hang out. I’ve been very unlike myself and actually bold about the fact that I’m interested but I’m telling you this last year whipped me into shape. No more chasing! No more ‘begging’ for attention.

Anyway, I’m getting sidetracked. hah. The point I’m trying to make is that it’s always this one and done kinda thing. Maybe a couple calls/emails afterwards but that’s it. This time we’re actually having to have several interactions. Not the same as sitting next to him but almost as good! It’s been what? like two nice long phone calls now. Plus those weird text things and several emails.

Oh man after our conversation the other night he immediately sent me a picture of these mountains out here that are a part of the property his grandma had. I found it later and it was so beautiful! He’s a good photographer and it’s so inspiring. It makes me want to get back into that so bad. I always remember the one he showed me of the moon across the hills and this was just as good. The sun rising in between these two peaks. I wish I could see that spot in person!

We were talking about it because of something about him coming out here but not into the town. He said he thought he’d shown me a picture of where he goes and I said no. So he tried to explain it to me again because you can see the mountains when you’re coming over the bridge into town but I still have no idea what he’s talking about. I told him I’d never seen them. He asked if I knew which way East was and I sarcastically said no so he explained it to me. haha. I still didn’t know about these mountain peaks so he said he wanted to talk to mom because she’d know what he was talking about. I told him she wouldn’t either. haha. That’s why he sent the picture after we hung up. I want to frame that picture. It’s that good. Which is why I later replied to his email and told him that I’d never seen that in person and it looked like a wallpaper from the internet. =] He didn’t respond. ha.

I just popped over to check the email account because I’m still waiting for stuff from him. New email from about 20 minutes ago. Yay! :) One attachment; no words. Boo! =|

I went to have a little lunch and I’ve emailed him back to say I cannot read the paper he sent me. I hope he doesn’t think that this is becoming really complicated. He might give up on all this fun. heh. =\

Anyway, the phone call. There were so many things!

I found out he has a sister and a brother. I had no idea he even had siblings! Plus he’s got three nephews! I don’t know how we got into it but he was telling me a story about how he babysat his nephew once when he was little and he spilled something and let some curse words slip. He was worried the kid would say something but he didn’t mention it when his mom came back. Apparently a couple weeks later he spilled something at home, said “oh shit” and maybe other words, and the Sheriff’s sister called to say she knew he’d learned that from him. haha! So I asked about other nieces/nephews and then about any other brothers. I don’t think he asked if I had any but that’s ok. I’m mostly divorced from my brother right now.

As he was listing the sibling and how many kids he goes, “and I’ve made it this far without any!” and the way he said it made it seem like it was some big ol’ accomplishment! I asked if that was a good thing and he said yes so I said I was doing really great too then!

Near the beginning we were talking work numbers and he asked if I was going to make him turn on his laptop to check. He’d just gotten home from work and was complaining. So I reminded him that at least he was home. I was still stuck at work! But then he told me about how it was his “Saturday” and then asked me what time I got in in the morning. I knew where he was going with it so I said I got in at 4 that morning. haha. He said I was lying and I started laughing. Then in Spanish he started saying that he wanted to talk to my mom to verify what I was saying. It was so funny. And maybe the first time I understood his switch to Spanish without getting lost. He’s pretty good at it but he does have that white boy accent.

He ended up looking up the numbers and then asked what I had and I go, “Now you’re going to make me pull up your file and look it up?!” :) More complaints. I told him to hold while I switched to the other computer and we continued working. When I got back on the line he said something about how he didn’t receive any other message from me so I was good. I told him I was fine with him not having gotten it. And he asked what I sent: pictures? selfies? and I was laughing and told him it would forever be a mystery now. haha. I didn’t actually mean for it to be all mysterious sounding when I sent it. I was just embarrassed that I’d started trying so hard to talk to him. But I guess it’s ok if it sounded like I was sending someone else important/funny things.

Actually later we were talking about something else when this message thing came up again. He was going to send a message to me or about it being mysterious, I don’t know. But I ended up saying that he’d have to use his imagination. I’d been close to saying that earlier but I know that the word “imagination” can be taken multiple ways. It slipped though. And of course he goes, “I don’t think you want me to use my imagination…” Ah ha ha. Nervous laughing from me and maybe I said nevermind. So he says, “you’re blushing now aren’t you?” No! This is just my natural color!! geez… =]

[sidenote: funny that totally reminded me of Lucas and all the making me blush comments and then he showed up out of the blue the next day!]

That’s the first time, that I can remember, that there’s ever been anything with any innuendo. The way he said it too. I could tell he had a smirk on his face. I’m thinking ok maybe he doesn’t see me as his grandma, but I don’t know. haha. Probably still. He called me “hun” on the phone too which was different. I can’t even figure out how you throw that into a sentence. It’s just not a word I use, or hear, on a regular basis.

I’m probably never going to finish this entry. It’s Saturday the 7th now and I’m still clicking away. There might be another phone call today and then I’ll have to type all new things. haha. And this is me not overanalyzing and obsessing. ha!

We briefly talked gun laws and he said he needed to get out of this state. Honestly he was probably about 10 seconds away from ranting to me about his republican politics and gun control issues. He is a cop and he loves his guns. I’m glad he checked himself though. I don’t need to listen to his love for trump. hah. He said he needed to get away from the crazy liberals of this state and I made a joke about how I didn’t know how we got along. He goes, “are you telling me you’re a crazy liberal?” and I avoided the question so he said he didn’t think that I was that crazy. If you only knew. =P We should probably not talk politics in the future though. I mean I’m just not passionate enough about it to argue but I don’t want to listen to anyone rant and get all worked up either. It’s not worth all that. So note to self: no liberal ideas! ;)

When I went to go look up his file he said some thing about “changes” and I asked if he’d gotten married and had 12 kids. He said hell no and I started laughing and told him that that was one of my first questions to ask. That I didn’t have the “hell no” option but still. Then I asked if he’d gotten married and the dude was totally avoiding the question. I was thinking, “oh sht this guy is with someone!” So I told him I was serious I needed to know the answer and he got serious and told me no. He said, “why would I put myself through that again?” I don’t know. Maybe it’ll be better the 2nd time around. I don’t think so. You never know. You have to keep an open mind about it. And he didn’t respond to that so we moved on.

Seriously though, you think the dude’s that damaged from the divorce? He’s too young to give up on it but who am I to talk? I’m way younger and I’ve already given up. haha. Who knows what he does out there in his real life anyway. He could be dating all kinds of people!

Anyway later I was asking him for some kind of information and he said something like, “damn, this is like being married.” I started laughing [like always!] and I think because it was so late and I was tired my filter was off so I made a joke saying “yeah it is, but without all the benefits. hah” ;) He totally hesitated before he started laughing like he was so caught off guard that I’d said it like that. haha. It was so funny! His shock made me laugh even more.

He told me that things were going to get more complicated next year. What with his grandmother’s passing and all. I told him that I thought he was going to do it himself next year and so he said, “well if you don’t want to see me I can do it myself..or find someone else.” All quick. Ok gosh. I said I didn’t mean it like that. It just always seems like he wants to do it on his own and he probably could. That’s when he told me that he wouldn’t come back if he didn’t like me. And probably around this same time made the comment about how it was almost exactly two years ago at the end of the season that he walked in the door and we first met. Yeah buddy, I remember that day too. =)

Mom kept bugging me to hang up the phone, and also to tell him things which I should have just passed the phone to her. haha. She told me to ask if he was going to pay my overtime and when I did he just laughed. He asked me if she knew who I was talking to and what she thought about our conversation the other day. It was weird the way he said it, like as if something had happened that day but it wasn’t a big deal. I think we’d spoken for about 15 minutes or so. Nothing too crazy. Then he switched it to ask if she’d known who I was talking to and I said that yeah she mentioned she knew when she heard me laughing. Before he could say anything I told him that it must be because every one else makes me angry or something.

I would have kept talking forever but I really needed to get home. He kept wanting to continue to send me stuff and have me work on it while we talked. Like I asked about one form in particular and he started reading it to me. I told him to send it and he said it didn’t say much he’d just go through it with me. haha. No. There are way too many numbers on that form so I told him to send it to me later.

Right around this time is when I told him I was going to go and he could send me things later and I’d work on them. He says, “oh! so you’re going to abandon me now!?!” No, no but I have to go home and I can’t take this phone with me. It’s old school and still plugged into the wall. We joked more about his flip phone and my landline. And at some point I said something about how this phone had “touch buttons”. He started laughing. “What did you say? Say that again.” What? Why? “Just say what you said again” No. Why? You’re going to make a joke about something.

What I thought he was going to do was make some kind of joke about the word “touch.” I don’t know why. Just the way our conversation had been playing out. Or maybe that’s my gutter mind. haha!

So I finally gave in and repeated that my phone had touch buttons and he started laughing and repeated the word “buttons.” Nothing to do with the touch thing. I asked him what was wrong with the way I said the word and he said it some other way. We went back and forth because what the heck? I have no idea what is wrong with the way I say it. Are we really going to do the whole tomato/tomato thing? And he thought it was the funniest thing and I told him he didn’t know how to pronounce it right. He asked if I was calling him a redneck and I said that I’d never called him that before but he’s called himself a redneck several times so if I ever said it it’s just agreeing. Then we started getting into that. haha. I told him that I didn’t know what he was talking about with the buttons thing and that I didn’t want to talk to him anymore. Joking of course. But we hung up after that.

After I’d been home a while I checked my messages and found the two pictures he’d sent me. Then later another one telling me he couldn’t access the stuff he’d need and would send it to me the next day. “Thanks hun!” -_- I replied saying I couldn’t believe he was still working on that stuff and not asleep. That I wasn’t going to touch it until the next day anyway because I was on my couch. Then the whole thing about how I was going to make a joke that people call their grandma “hun” but I’d let it go and I wasn’t offended since he used to call me ma’am.

That was that. I bet I missed something in here too. I think I’ll back date this so it shows up in the right spot even though it has taken me for.ever! I just want it to be done. I can always revise later. :)

It’s all for memory’s sake.

rose.
1:27pm

Last updated April 07, 2018