A Challenge in Book Five: Working Through the Maze 2018

I don’t wish to sound cruel or insensitive but last night, possibly for the first time ever, I began to understand exactly how mentally unbalanced Wife is.
Yesterday was her first day at the new job. Last night after work, she sobbed for the better part of 5 hours. Straight. One long anxiety-ridden panic attack. And I’m not a good enough person to be able to help out or be supportive for the full 5 hours. I certainly tried. But as part of this life-demolishing panic attack, we also heard some of “the classic” bits.
(1) The job isn’t bad, but Wife is so terrified because it is new.
(2) She doesn’t want to be this way.
(3) I need to get my job stuff sorted immediately, so she can quit.
(4) She was refusing to return for her second day.
(5) She couldn’t eat anything because her stomach was so messed up
(6) She was convinced that there was no way she would get any sleep
And then repeat all of that. For five hours.

After trying everything, I decided to try the “oaf” approach and see if sexual advances would at least distract her. It inspired the following from her: “No. I know we haven’t had sex for a while but the way I feel, we won’t be having sex for a lot longer.” In other words… Wife terror of new putting us back in Omaha territory.

I am and will try to remain a supportive and caring husband. But it is really tough here. She was constantly miserable working at Wal Mart. She accepted a job in the field that she says she wants to work in. And after one day, a day in which she says people were nice and the job seems very do-able, she is so emotionally broken that she cries for 5 hours and staunchly refuses to return. Honestly, I never realized that she was this bad, I know I encouraged her to seek counseling for most of our marriage but… had I known, I would have been far more insistent. She does have a therapist right now and I’m hoping that can help a bit. Because… sure, we can survive if both of us are looking for work for a time… but this isn’t about that. I don’t want her or need her to do this job because the family needs money. I want her and need her to do this job for her. If she runs away from this because it is difficult, that will be a big sign. She blamed Wal Mart for everything for so long. If, in her first opportunity to do something else, she quits this quickly? We’ll know Wal Mart was a scapegoat, a red herring, a ruse. We’ll know that Wal Mart was never the problem. And we’ll have to decide if the real problem can be fixed and/or if it is worthwhile to try.