Peer pressure; a prosebox survey in Normal entries

DO YOU LIVE IN A HOUSE OR AN APARTMENT?
I just live in one room at a time, but it’s in a house.
WOULD YOU SAY IT IS BIG OR SMALL?
I would say it’s big, but ask any member of the growing misandry movement, I’m probably not a good judge of such things.
DO YOU HAVE A WELCOME MAT?
Sometimes the neighbors cat sleeps in front of the door. It’s like a welcome mat with claws.
DOES IT SAY SOMETHING?
A guttural meow which sometimes like a cross between a mountain lion and Fuck You.
DO YOU HAVE A DISHWASHER OR DO YOU HAVE TO DO YOUR DISHES BY HAND?
The dishwasher is from the early sixties, I don’t remember a time when it worked. It’s built in and holds the counter up. With the exception of restaurants that run the temps at a sterilizing level, I think of dishwashers as silly. First you have to clean everything before putting it in the dishwasher, and, sometimes, after it’s been in the dishwasher.
HOW MANY PLANTS DO YOU HAVE INSIDE?
Live one? None. I have a black thumb. I have some dried flowers from a famous weed …
DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL PLACE THAT YOU PUT YOUR KEYS?
Yes. In the last place I’d look for them. I have two sets, I can only find one at any given time.
IS YOUR REFRIGERATOR STOCKED WITH ANYTHING?
It’d be kind of silly to have a refrigerator with nothing in it. Not that I have a problem with silly or anything, just saying, that’s a hell of large appliance to keep just for show.
WHERE DO YOU KEEP YOUR BREAD?
Heh. I actually have a bread box. The bread is usually somewhere close to it, or inside it on top of my keys.
IS YOUR BATHROOM CLEAN?
Compared to what? A public rest room in Queens? No.
WHAT IS YOUR BATHROOM’S THEME?
Early gothic with some mold deco thrown in.
HOW MANY RUGS DO YOU HAVE IN YOUR DWELLING SPACE?
Dwelling space — and here you thought I was being a smart-ass with “I only live in one room at a time”. All the rugs in the house are in my dwelling space; 3 large and two runners.
DO YOU KNOW YOUR NEIGHBORS?
My immediate neighbors to the north and south turn over every term, sometimes once a year. I know the assholes to the south. The ones to the north are unusually quiet and hardly ever around. When the snow melted I saw that the remains of their last outdoors party (probably October, were still scattered around the table; beer bottles and red solo plastic cups.
ARE THERE ANY STRAY CATS AROUND?
There are a lot, but they are fat and have collars, so, not strays, they just like my garage.
DO YOU HAVE A DVD PLAYER IN YOUR BEDROOM?
Maybe. But I use the disc drive on my desktop.
WHICH ROOM WOULD YOU SAY YOU SPEND THE MOST TIME IN?
Bed room.
DO YOU HAVE A POOL OR JACUZZI WHERE YOU LIVE?
At least twice a year I have a small pond in the side yard when the ground gets to saturated to absorb any more water.
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE DVD THAT YOU OWN?
I don’t know how to answer that.
HOW ABOUT YOUR FAVORITE CD THAT YOU OWN?
Yeah, that’s even more unanswerable than the DVD one only more so.
WHERE IS YOUR STEREO OR RADIO LOCATED IN YOUR HOME?
Except for the surround sound receiver I have hooked up to the downstairs TV, whatever other radios are in this house have been cold for a decade.
DO YOU HAVE A COFFEE MAKER?
Yes, why?
DO YOU HAVE AN AREA DESIGNATED FOR ALCOHOL?
Several
HOW MANY TELEVISIONS DO YOU HAVE?
Just the one. I use my monitor to watch TV, the big ass TV downstairs is … downstairs.
DO YOU HAVE STAIRS?
There are so many stairs here that my fitness tracker is satisfied with my daily stair count when I just do the laundry (three flights down and three up, of ourse there’s putting it in the dryer or another load). Often doing laundry involves a total of twenty flights.
WHAT KIND OF STUFF DO YOU HAVE ON YOUR WALLS?
Still waiting on the lab results. Oh, and pictures, some framed, reproductions of famous works that I like.
WHERE DO YOU KEEP YOUR TOOTHPASTE?
Safety deposit box. Silly question, I keep it under bathroom stuff.
DO YOU HAVE A DEN OR AN OFFICE?
Yes.
DO YOU LIVE CLOSE TO ANY STORES?
Six blocks from the edge of the booming metropolis of East Lansing.
DO YOU HAVE A WALK IN CLOSET AND IF NOT WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE ONE?
More like a walk through closet, but, yes. Do I care one way or the other? No.
DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING HANGING FROM THE CEILING?
Yes, I think she said her name was Edna or Ethel. I kid. I’m a short guy. I can touch the ceiling in my room. The downstairs rooms have like half-cathedral ceilings.
DOES YOUR KITCHEN HAVE A THEME?
Yes. Food.
IS IT A PAIN TO DUST YOUR LIVING SPACE?
I’m sure it would be.
WHAT’S UNDER YOUR BED?
Only God knows but he’s afraid to look.
DO YOU HAVE A GAME SYSTEM?
No.
HOW MANY TELEPHONES ARE IN YOUR HOME?
There’s a lot of them, even rotary dial ones. None of them are hooked up. There’s two phones for the landline, mostly in case one gets lost. My cell phone is the only real phone in the house.
DO YOU HAVE A FIREPLACE AND IF SO DO YOU USE IT OFTEN?
Two of them. Haven’t been used in at least thirty years.
WHAT KIND OF MICROWAVE DO YOU HAVE?
The kind splattered in red stuff and with magazines and olive oil stacked on the top.
DO YOU HAVE ANY FIGURINES OF ANGELS AROUND?
Figurines. Huh. Well that explains a lot. So, you see them too?
DO YOU LIKE TO OPEN THE BLINDS OR CURTAINS OR KEEP THEM SHUT?
Wow. They work both ways. I’m a wild man, I do both.
HOW MANY COMPUTERS ARE IN YOUR DWELLING SPACE?
In current use; 2. Available for current use; 4. In various pieces in various places; I’m guessing at eight. Toss in other devices on the network and the ‘being used’ count rises to … 7? Yeah, close enough, not counting the wi-fi digital cameras and something I’m sure I’m forgetting.
WHAT COMPANY DO YOU USE FOR INTERNET ACCESS AND HOW MUCH DOES IT COST?
Comcast. Sorry, you might not recognize by just their last name. Fucking Comcast. I think they still call their cable lines Fucking Comcast, for TV they are x-fucking-finity.